Start at the Beginning, she said…

Running into the room. Out of breath. Grabbing onto the, well, onto the…

“Hey you! Watch where you put those hands, OK?!”

“Gosh Lola. Sorry about that, but I just had to tell you about, well it was that time when, but then my father just said, “She was the one who was supposed to have the protection, you know!” Well, I just said – gasping for breath – that…

“Look you. You are making even less sense now, then when I know what you are babbling about. Start at the beginning, and” – turning him around, and pointing him towards the door – “Just go out, collect your thoughts, then come in again, OK?”

He did as he was told, with only the sounds of the door closing, just as easy as can be, with only the winds of September making the usual sounds of a hurricane left to hear.

Lola waited. Then she waited a bit more. Then she got angry, stomping over to the door and throwing it open, “OK You! Come in and…..” Now where has he gotten to? she wondered, with only a hastily-written note placed under his favorite Andesite Rock near the front door, “Dear L. I’ll be away for a few days in Healy. That was Healy Alaska if you thought it was Healy Pass in Alberta? I’ll be on a fact-finding mission in order to make you happy with all of the details of my exciting story. Yours sincerely….B. PS. Don’t call my folks, or Mom might just trip over her Old Red Sandstone Whiskey Bottle again, breaking my father’s arm – again– in the process!”

Lola just shook her head, then went inside again. How in the world did he think of that solution anyway? She needed to choose her words carefully next time, or everyone will think that they were fighting or worse.

-calling to the Bent Antler in Homer-

Hello and welcome to Bent Antler. This month we are offering a two for one special, “Edmonton Chablis and Penguin Puffers” – just think of the happy look on your mate when you present them with Booze and Sugar! Get them this month, as long as they last”

Lola hoped that someone, any real live genuine living and breathing person would show up sometime soon on the other end of the line, but knowing his friends like she did, then….

“Hello. This is Live-Bent of Bent’s Antler” – finally, just the man she needed to reach. “Uh. This is Lola calling, and….”

“Well, hello to you too, Lola – whispering heard in background – “Sorry to hear about you and B. being well, you know? But don’t you worry, because I am sure there are plenty of men in Alaska that would consider you a catch!” – more whispering heard in the background, as if someone was toasting her early demise?

“Look Bent. We have not broken up, OK? He has just gone out of town to visit his folks and…-more whispering in the background-

The receiver is taken by another with the first words being, “Ah Lola. My Sweet. This is Armand, your and of course B.’s good friend here in Our Homer! I’ve heard a little bird tweeting that you two are not the happy couple of the Greater Homer Area like before, and let me be the first one to say that I’m sure someone will be befriending your former mate, B. in no time at all – anticipation hanging in the air – so don’t you worry about him anymore!”

-another advertisement starts playing in the receiver-

“Tired of your old lady stinking to high heaven of last year’s favorite, Saskatchewan Whiskey? Well Edmonton Chablis is softer in form and gentler when “the morning after” arrives. It will even help you to remember her name when she turns around saying “Was it memorable for you too?

Remember the two for one special this month at……

Lola slammed down the receiver and thought, “We haven’t really broken up, have we?”

She hesitated before making the next call. He did say not to call his folks, but what else was she going to do?

-telephone ringing-

Hello. Healy Telephone Company. Remember to reach out and just say hi to tbose near and dear to you, but not those low-down, cheating, go-back-to-their-wife types that might be living in the Healy-Area!

Lola wondered if those advertisements were directed to anyone in particular, but hoped that soon, that is before she was older and greyer, that she could make the connection with his parents?

“Hello” – sounds heard in background, glass breaking and yelling – “Audrey, Haven’t I told you not to store your stash right there!”

“Hello. This is Lola calling, and…”

“Oh, Hello Lola” holding the receiver away for a moment – “Dear, it’s Lola. Would you like to say hello to her?” – muttering heard – “I said, it wouldn’t last, didn’t I? I only hope he doesn’t want to move home again, now that he has become all Canada-Friendly and all!”

“It’s me again” said his mother, sobbing a bit in the background “So sorry to hear about you and B.! If you were here right now, we could share a cold-compress together!”

Lola just thought, “Is it really worth continuing with this conversation, or would it be better letting this part of the story ebb out this side of 900-words?”

“Well, if you see him soon. Tell him, I need to speak to him immediately!”

-voices heard in the background, his father telling his mother –

“Wasn’t she the one who was supposed to have protection? That’s what I told him that time we were shooting the breeze, and….hand me that bottle of Edmonton Chablis, won’t you, and let’s toast to absent lovers, wherever they might be…..No, I don’t mean her at the Healy Telephone Company.

“I’ve told you before, that was just a passing flirt……”

Healy Telephone Company – Where can we meet this time, without your wife finding out……?

Lifting and Separating

“This is Gosh-Awful” blubbered Bent, and in his Edmonton Chablis no less in the wee moments of this blog, the ideas slowly coalescing into one jumbled mass of ideas falling out of the author’s imagination at or around 6 am on this fine spring morning in the north of Denmark! It was on a day such as this one, when I was much younger than today, when Love found me, somewhere in another place and time, when I least expected it!

Bent, Wally and Armand silently sipped their drinks while the unknown author of this rag continued on, as if they hadn’t been present at all. “Ahem” said Armand in a discrete way, hoping that the blog could continue, while Bent in his misery, hoped that his pivotal role in this story, would cement his chances for another year if the benevolence of the Penguin Gods allowed it to be so!

“This is Gosh-Awful” blubbered Bent, as he sipped his Edmonton Chablis in yet another retelling of life and love on the Kenai Peninsula, somewhere in one man’s dream called Alaska. Forget those B&Bs and the flights over the glaciers, because this story won’t be costing you more than the effort of leaning back in your armchair, and wondering how in the world you will ever afford seeing any number of the places that this blog purports to be telling about?

Bent, Wally and Armand were spending time in their Home away from Home, ostensibly in the town of Homer Alaska, but Real Alaskans might not consider the ideas presented as resembling what they know for a fact as the Real Alaska?

B. came in and sat down at the table with the rest of the gang, while this particular blog was stalled along the side of the road, with the hood up and smoke coming from the motor. Wally suggested firing an armor-piercing round into the number one cylinder, while the rest of the gang discussed what the original intent of the blog had been and hoped that it still could be saved before the 800-word mark reared its ugly head over the horizon!

“What is he babbling about today?” asked B. as the others had just about given up on the idea of the blog as a whole, and went about their usual business of discussing poetry and the weather, like any thinking and breathing Alaskan would be doing right now! “Ah. Don’t mind him” said Armand as he sipped his Chablis. “He’s just crying the blues again about how much it costs to travel to Alaska, and wondering why his wife was not born an Alaskan, instead of a Dane!”

“Sorry about the delay fellows” I hastened to say, “Let’s get back on the Sterling Highway, before the whole thing has to be trashed, OK?”

Armand had just pounded the gravel to initiate the beginning of the monthly meeting of the Homer Poetry Club, when Bent replied, “Hey! This is not the story that he started out with! I demand my day in the sun, even though technically it is still night in Alaska, with 10 Time Zones between it and Denmark!

Wally reached over towards Bent and B. saying “That should have read-gavel, but what with some people’s kids ideas of comic-relief, most subtleties would have been lost on the general readership, if you catch my drift?”

“The others gave him a high-five, while Wally opened yet another bottle of Edmonton Chablis, with Armand saying, “What about that Canadian that has crept her way into the last number of blogs? Shouldn’t we raise our glasses and toast the young woman?” They were just about to do so, when he remarked, “Poor Woman. Just trying to get by in life, when some fellow comes along and bombards her with comments, as if she had nothing else to do than read that type of thing and smile!”

“Look you” said Wally, who was trying to save the last shred of dignity in this blog, but was failing miserably. “We’ve been danged patient with you in this blog, and I for one would put you up for a day or two, if that is, you ever made it over here and all, but I still think….

“What do you mean, put him up?” asked Armand, who just couldn’t imagine just anyone intruding on his home and castle, especially someone who only wanted to talk about himself and his crazy ideas for the next blog.

“I only meant” said Wally again, “That if you feel B&Bs are a tad on the expensive side for your cheap-tastes, then we might be able to help you out when you visit us here in Alaska!”

“Well, I don’t know about that” I said, kicking the Tundra Dust outside in the cold, as the lights of this particular blog began to dim and fade. The others continued to drink and talk about the latest poem by Ms Raw Earth Ink, while I just wondered what happened to the original intent of this blog, and would it really show up again in the future?

-the door to the bar opened up, and voices called out-

“Hey You. Better get your sorry-butt inside here again, before we need to send out the Homer Sled Dog Rescue Team to find you! If they really exist in your imagination, that is?”

-door closes once again, as the cold wraps around itself and freezes this blog to a close……

But Why? Asked the Love of My Life

“The most obvious answer would be, “Because it is there! But not everyone will accept that for the truth that it portends, so we might as well just….

Lola stood alongside the Sterling Highway, thumb out, while the cars sped by, their drivers honking and gesturing while she wondered if someone, anyone was going to stop and give a Gal a lift?

A powerful Ford, or was it a Chevrolet resembling Tesla, came dangerously close to where she was standing, then pulled off to the side, while Lola waited for someone, anyone to exit that car so she could-

“I would have said, “Steal that puppy and hit the road while she had a chance!” Armand held his glass up while Wally poured a new round of Chablis of unknown origin.

“Why have you dropped drinking Edmonton Chablis?” asked Bent, who had just stocked up on that particular type of wine, when he realized that “Canada” had become “In” again on this blog!

Armand just shook his head in dismay. “Look at what B. came in with last time he graced my presence!” said while looking at the empty chair across from him, and thinking of what witty things might have been said, if he had been present!

Bedrock Geology Map of Alberta – Map 600

“Just look at how bland the colors are over Edmonton! But wait, there is still hope for Alberta!” intoned Armand, while his fingers ran amok along the multi-colored strands of the Rocky Mountains and their foothills to the west!”

“B. might have likened them to Denali Blue, because you two know how sensitive he is about colors, don’t you?” sighed Armand, as he toasted to his memory, and shedding a small tear, while Lola only got more angry as time went on!

The Chevy, Ford, Tesla just revved its motor as Lola stood in front of the car, daring it to make its move, while other cars and trucks on that busy highway were stopped on the other side, their drivers standing on their hoods, yelling and shouting for the one or the other to move, while Lola just reached down and pulled out her signature weapon, A Winchester 30-30!

“Look Armand. If B. is still drinking Edmonton Chablis, then it makes sense for the rest of us to continue drinking it, you know?” Bent’s voice had a certain sense of desperation in it, knowing how hard it would be to be stuck with so many undrinkable bottles, while the next Fad of Canadian Rocky Mountain Wine would be sweeping the whole of the Kenai Peninsula, with everyone who was anyone, turning their noses up at the mere thought of Edmonton Chablis, that has-been wine of yesterday!

“Look you” said Lola. “We still haven’t figured out where you are taking this blog, what with the title hanging on a thin thread, and your obvious lack of knowledge concerning automobiles, showing the rest of your readers, that not all blogs are worthy of continuing with, regardless of your “original premise” for such things!”

“And where, might I ask, is B. anyway?”

B. just sat at the computer marveling at how many Geological Maps are available for Free on the Internet, while the other stories were making the usual non-progress in the background.

Lola was just about to lock and load, when the Man of the Hour showed up somewhere not exactly equal to her position, but similarly close to her, with young children throwing Rose Petals behind him as he walked boldly and brashly into Bent’s Antler Bar, and said,” Where is my Edmonton Chablis today?”

Bent just walked up to him and kissed him on the one cheek then the other, while Armand just stood there, arms open wide, and beginning to pucker his lips himself, when Lola came in behind B. saying “Drop that Edmonton Wine you Dolt! We are moving on to something new!”

-“but what about the cars on the Highway, my rifle and why we are still concerned with Canada?” asked Lola, as she looked over B.’s shoulder at the maps on the monitor.

“Darn clever of those Canadians luring you away from Alaska, isn’t it?” asked Lola, as B. turned around and said,

“Gosh Lola. Just look at those Precambrian Mudstones within the Laramide orogeny!”

Lola just threw her arms around him saying “I bet you talk dirty like that to all of your Gals, don’t you?”

“Well” he said turning around towards her, “One of them at least!”

Wally just looked through the glass of Chablis darkly and said, “I can almost see B. through this hogwash, and would imagine what he would say at this moment!”

Armand just sighed and said,”He probably would have spoken about Mountain Building in the Northern Rocky Mountains, and how they thrust their way upwards with great force……..

“Yep” said Wally. “Just my words exactly!……”