Strip Mooseopoly for Beginners

“The Kenai Kenai Paradox” began the Instructor, while I took notes, as the rest of the class shot spit balls at each other, or drew mustaches on pictures of Sarah Palin, actually sprucing up her look a bit, but that wasn’t why we were there, was it?

“Young Man!” said the fellow, looking squarely at me, while I sat there with rounded shoulders. “I’d like you to come up here with me, and write 100 times “The Two Moose I saw, while standing on the corner of Kenai and Kenai Streets in downtown Kenai, are not, and I repeat, Knot associated with the Kenai Kenai Paradox!”

Well, I walked up to that rather largish piece of Moose Slate, before saying “I

Lola tossed and turned a bit, before waking up and feeling next to her in bed, but knot finding the reason for her nightmare, and who wood have deserved a well-placed punch! if he had been present!

then falling back into that dream, or into that dream, as the case might be!

“The Kenai Kenai Paradox” began the fellow, standing at the front of the class, resembling someone, I might have known, but knot in the Biblical Sense as it were! “helping us to draw a parallel between Moose Number one, and Moose Number two, while keeping the Kenai Kenai Paradox in the front of our minds, then we’ll see…….”Why are you making Moose Eyes at that young woman next to you? Were you raised in a barn, or did someone drop a piece of Moose Slate on your head, causing you to

waking up again bathed in a cold sweat, while the fellow next to her said “Gosh Lola. If you wanted to go for a swim, then you might have wanted to remove your Moose Skin first, woodn’t you?”

I was sweating bullets, but the woman next to me held back which caliber they were, making it difficult if knot impossible asking her out for a date, or spelunking our way towards that rather largish piece of Moose Slate, making her say “I’m hoping that your own Moose Slate is as big, or bigger, than that piece of Metamorphic Beauty, or this gal is going to be warming somebody else’s metamorphose tonight!”

Lola sat up again, thinking that she was caught in some sort of evil loop, where Moose were Moose and Men were Men, or did she just happen to be stung by an infected Moose Fly, when they were spelunking together in the last dream, or in the last dream or so?

There I stood, in front of my house in Healy…That wood be Healy Alaska, with my mother sobbing a bit into her handkerchief, while whispering, “You don’t knead to say Alaska, you know?”

I nodded in all of the right places, well-knowing that simple fact, but she continued with “Now, you just march right on out there into the Great Big Cruel World, and find yourself a girl, or a piece of Moose Slate, and make your parents proud of you, OK?”

I was about to agree, when my father showed up bearing a stack of wood for shelving in his brawny arms, saying “Here Kid! Take one of these shelves and see if you can convince some girl to help you set them up, OK?”

This time Lola fell out of bed, then she jumped up yelling “Put up your own shelves, won’t you and see if you can do it better than the two of us together, OK?”

-walking into the bedroom then saying “Gosh Lola. What a racket! How in the world can I get our two Mooselings to bed, with you yelling all the time?”

-There there” he said to someone in the other room. “Your Moose Mother just had a little fall, that’s all!” then closing the door behind him, while Lola said “Easy Does It, Girl. Let’s take this one Paradox at a time, before you lose it and

-poking his head back into the bedroom saying “Gosh Lola. What a tennis racket! How in the world can I get our two Tennis Balls to bed, with you yelling all the time?”

-moving past him into the other room, Lola looked around but didn’t see anyone, or anything, before saying “Pinch me, OK and make it a good one!”

“Well, I’d do as you ask, but that’s how the hole mess started in the first place didn’t it? We were playing Strip-Mooseopoly when you said “I am not removing my Moose Skin, just because you landed on Kenai and Kenai Street in Downtown Kenai, no less!”

With the both of them, or none of them being in Alaska, that is……

-or Alaska, as the State might be!

Sailing Down the Kenai, or Kenai River

“Well, there I was standing on the corner of Kenai and Kenai Streets and in Downtown Kenai, no less, when a Moose, and a rather large one at that came lumbering along the street, when……”

Lola wondered if today he really was going all the way with her, allowing himself the luxury of actually getting across that now infamous street, jumping through the hoop of fire, while shooting himself from the cannon, into the arms of some unnamed woman, who was not her! As far as she knew, that is?

“Gosh Lola. Just think about it. We’ve really come far with that story, haven’t we? I mean,

“Look you. That story is changed faster than a Moose Baby, and that after it having eaten a bowl of Chili Moose Flakes, no thank you very much!”

‘So I said to myself, seeing as there weren’t any other able-bodied blokes about “What do you think that Moose is going to do?” Well, being the man possessing extreme skills of observation, told myself, that is that I told myself, without stretching the truth, you know Lola. Like the first time that we were together for a night and a day, making you say, “That was the best love-making I’ve experienced, this side of Kenai, or Kenai respectively!”

“Are you intimating that I was stretching the truth when I said that? And just to be certain about that lie, was I really the one, who you say said that, or are we going down that road again, where you have confused me with somebody else?” asked the woman, who might have been riled up, but only if it brought them closer to the truth of the matter, whatever that was?

“So what you are saying, is that road we were going down, might just have been the same one in my Moose Story?” asked the man, who didn’t have a clue as to what her intimate, had been intimating, but couples do tend to gloss over their abilities from their night’s lovemaking, when seen in the light of day, or the light of night, respectively!

“Why is the Narrator Guy asking questions of an intimate nature?” asked Lola, as she gave him her meanest glare. “I did not exaggerate, what others might just have ignored, or classified as just another pair of ships that passed each other at night!”

“Gosh Lola. It might have been two Moose, who were swimming down the Kenai River, or the Kenai River, respectively, who then drifted over to the one side, where I, and you, if you could imagine such a thing, was/were standing on the shore waiting for the signal to change, or the river to flow more slowly, when the one of them-

“Lucky for you, there really is a Kenai River, instead of you just making up things as you went along, sort of like how this story is progressing!”

“Or would that have been Mooses? I’ve always been one to challenge the English Language, with this being my entrance on the world’s scene, with my innovative and devil-may-care style of doing things!”

“Look you. It’s hard enough remembering who did what on that first night of our love-making, let alone wondering what those two Moose were doing on Kenai, or Kenai Street, while you were seen, standing on that now infamous corner, rambling on and on with yourself, while you distraught lover, which would be me, was waiting breathlessly for you to complete your “best move” from the night, or day before, when you stood up suddenly saying “Gosh Lola, or pardon me Ma’am, whatever your name is, but I need to visit the little Moose Boy’s Room, or go out for a shot of the hard stuff, before I finish doing to you, what I promised, those many minutes ago!”

“Well, did I?” asked the man, who was lost in the awe and the whimsy of the moment, looking at his lover as if it were the first time that they intimated with each other, while the seagulls sang, and the Moose did, whatever they usually did, with all being right in the rest of Alaska!

“He really knows how to turn a phrase, doesn’t he my love?” asked the man, who stood on the corner of Kenai, and Kenai Streets, in Downtown Kenai, of course, when she said

“Aha! Now, I’ve caught you in a lie! That story was not the same as the one before, was it?”

He stood up and went into the other room, before returning again saying, “Look at these two transparencies, won’t you?” She looked as he did as well, with his finger, his right index finger that is, tracing out the wavy but crooked line that defined their relationship together, then stopping for a moment, then looking closely before saying “Well, I’ve got to give it to you Lola, there is a problem, right here!”

She was about to say something, anything when he continued with “It seems an unfortunate Moose Fly was caught between the transparencies and gotten itself squashed, right around the word, Kenai, but not the first one, but the second one, which made you think that the story had changed, didn’t you?”

Lola looked closely as well, when he said “I should have said, “When I was standing on the corner of Kenai, and Kenai-

“Stop and desist! We are not going back to that street corner, or River embankment at the end of this story, OK?” said his lover, who wanted to draw him back into bed on that first night, that they made passionate love together, while she knew that their relationship would make her crazy in the head, someday!”

-while re-reading what she just had written, then saying “I now declare this blog to be history, which is almost what you said after our first night together, if it really was you, that I remembered it to be……..?

Juneau – Your State’s Name Here

“Well, today fair listeners, we are actually boarding the plane for Juneau, Wisconsin. Home of the annual “No Your Moose Like you No Yourself!” contest, said a voice in the other room, as Lola considered taking off, or putting on her Moose Skin, depending on her mood, the time of day, and would it make any difference to the other passengers on “Fantasy Airlines”, consisting of the usual rabble of malcontents and misfits that ever chose to set one foot on an airplane, while their remaining foot still resided on good old Terra Firma!

“That woodn’t be Terra Haute, my Sweet?” asked the man whose knowledge of the city called, Juneau, could have been in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania or in a last ditch effort, in Juneau Alaska!

sounds of a chair being scootched aside, before a voice said “Gosh Lola. I see you are in “Mid-Moose Skin” witch means that “maybe she will and maybe she won’t, but only her closest advisor knows for sure!”

“You mean, Closet Advisor, don’t you?” asked Lola, as she wondered if the Lady with the Bird on her hat would be on that very plane, perhaps sitting in the back row, where she’d be releasing a breezer or two, after last night’s dinner of Caribou Crunchies, Chili Style?

-while munching on a Caribou Cream and Moose Flakes sandwich he then said “Gob, dis, no whatevm” which made his mate say, “Are you prepositioning me Mister, or have we moved to Finland in the Summertime?”

He got up to look out of the nearby window, then said “Nope! Just good old Alaska out there, but if those Fins, have a city called Juneau as well, then anyone of our listeners might just hear me say syrjäyttää, which means, Toot de Suite, in our next broadcast, but only if my mouth is again filled with Caribou Cream and Moose Crunchies!”

“Nothing that you have said during the last 100 words or so is enough to make me want to put on my Moose Skin, and you know what that means, don’t you?”

“Gosh Lola. I thought we agreed on that particular activity in advance, with a written summary of what you wanted done, by who, and if there were any additional activities involved, but if you would like me to accomplish that feet, then I’ll just continue the boarding process, making quite sure that the lady with the bird on her hat will end up making a scene, thus buying us a bit more time to fill out the necessary forms, while dotting all the i’s, like you usually accuse me of not doing, when I actually am concentrating on crossing the t’s!”

“Why are we boarding a plane for Wisconsin, when it is Alaska, we are concerned with?” asked the woman whose Moose Skin Tease was the rage of the Podcast Listeners, while they wondered if she wood, or woodn’t, while he did, or didn’t!

-while pulling up one of the straps, then saying “I don’t know why you’ve decided to allow our listeners to be privy to all of my actions, when you know, that some of them will be wanting more of the same, until someone will get up on their feet to yell, “Leave it off Baby, and let our imaginations run wild!”

sounds of someone making their way from the Airport waiting area, while presenting herself at the Blog Counter then saying “Listen Honey. If I were you, I’d leave it on, otherwise you won’t have anything to offer the next listeners, if they really do exist, which I doubt!” said the lady with the bird on her hat, while the next in line replied,

Not that you have anything to show us Grandma! So just leave the young woman alone and let her decide herself, if she wanted to take it off, allowing us to marvel and weep in our Moose Flakes, OK?

-sounds of cheering is heard in the background, while the Stewardess called over the speaker system saying “All aboard for Fantasy Trip number 3 to Juneau, regardless of which Juneau, you are thinking of at the time!”

Lola clutched her overnight bag then turned to her lover to say “I really can’t believe it! A night away from my real life, so I can jet away with you to Juneau……your state name here!”

-muttering heard as the passengers waiting in line to board the plane, with Lola saying “I can’t see the lady with the bird on her hat! Oh, I hope she makes it here in time!”

-sighing a bit, while leaning back in his chair, while saying “Come on Lola. Are you going to put on that Moose Skin, so I can send the Blog Passengers on their Merry Way, or not?”

-poking her head back into the Blog Office, the lady with the bird on her hat said “Honestly, young man. If you don’t let the lady take her good time in such things, then you’ll never be able to satisfy her in bed!”

-“Tell me about it lady!” replied Lola from the Little Moose Girl’s Room! “Tell me about it……..

The Old Lady with the Bird on Her Hat

Lola was certain that today would be the first day of the rest of their lives together, but doubted every last word before the comma in this very same sentence!

“Today Dear Travelers, we will be moving to the south, where the Palm Trees waft in the bomy breezes of the Southern Climes, Yes, You guessed it, We are traveling to Juneau, Alaska!”

“I can see by our switchboard that more than one of you have already decided to point out that we don’t need to say Alaska, when we are in Alaska, but then there was that other Blogger who asked me, and quite pointedly, whether I ever really had been to Alaska, to which I just answered, “Well, Almost!”

Lola looked back to her original thoughts at the beginning of this blog before letting go a well-deserved “sigh” then saying “Juneau, you say? Will we be driving there, or wasn’t that what I was supposed to ask you with my “Carefully prepared notes?”

“Gosh Lola. I can see that you are finally getting into our Travel Blog, after those first few attempts at conquering the Wellness Hotel Paradox in Kenai, while now we are moving onward, though a bit more to the south, almost like when you said to me “If you would just move a bit more to the South, then you’ll hit that area, I’ve been telling you about, and make it quick, OK?”

Lola put down her notes then said “Just because you’d been spending just a bit too much time up to the North, I felt it necessary to point out, while we were in bed and all, that the purpose of our meeting was to check into Hotel Pleasure, but you seemed to be occupied with why the bell dinger didn’t ding, when you touched me “in that special place” which turned out to not being so special after all!”

“Gosh Lola. I had even pulled out my Kenai Boy’s Alaskan Compass so I wood be certain to find my way in the Pitch Lightness, but you said……well, I’m not certain that we need to repeat exactly what you said, but..…Wait a minute! The switchboard lights are flashing again, which means that none or all of our 3 or so odd listeners, really want to know what you said to me, while I was trying to find Magnetic North, and you were telling me to “Fly without instruments” or we’d never get to where we were going!”

Lola wondered if she wood knead to pack any “Moose Ointment” before their travels southwards, or didn’t anyone ever tell themselves about the dangers of unrequited Moose Burn?

-rolling up his sleeve at the mention of Moose Burn, then saying “Remember when I got burned on this arm, just a bit to the south of this freckle? Well, it was back when we almost didn’t know one another, when you said to me, “Touch me again there Stranger, or you’ll soon be feeling the hot lead of my Winchester in your backside, Toot de Suite!”

“Wait a minute. Shouldn’t that read, “Don’t touch me there, Stranger?” well-knowing that she never wood have said something like that to a total stranger, and definitely knot end the sentence with a well-known French Expression!

“Well, I just backed off, knowing how some women up to the North had Canadian Tendencies, but I just said “Looky here, Ma’am. I’ve got my own Kenai Boy’s Alaskan Compass to help me find the proper route to your heart, and then some, but you insisted on telling me “You don’t knead to say Alaska, you know, before you reached over and-

“Well, with that immediate pause at the end of that last sentence, I’ve gotten the pulse of the switchboard racing towards Asphixia, once again!”

-then adding, “Asphixia, if you didn’t know it, lies to the South of Juneau Alaska, but that will have to wait for another exciting Travel Blog, or knot!”

“Is there any place that I might jump into the fray and stop you from telling anymore lies about the direction that we were heading in last night?” asked Lola while considering how much of a pause in this paragraph was really necessary? “While we met one another in the Pitch Lightness, or have I lost my direction in this blog, once and for all?!

“Gosh Lola. We were both heading towards the same destination, at least that’s what my ticket said, but if you’d gotten on the wrong train, while I was fiddling with my Compass, then it wood make more sense, why we didn’t seem to end up at the same place at the same time, or wasn’t that what you told me, when I had gotten up for some Moose Milk to calm your nerves with?”

“It wasn’t the Moose Milk that made me upset, but the amount of time, you’d spent in the Dining Car, telling any or everyone present, how you couldn’t hit Direct South, which should have been something that the two of us could discuss, without you bringing the waiter, the busboy and that old lady with the bird on her hat, back to our room, while I was still calculating the distance and time needed to get us where we were going!”

“Well Lola. Lucky for us, there was still a bit of room on our bed when the old lady with a bird on her hat said “Take it easy, Honey! You don’t knead to wear out your Beau every night you know? Save a bit for tomorrow, or you’ll end up like me someday, traveling around in somebody’s imagination, with a bird on my hat!”

Lola thanked her for her advice, while turning to her lover saying “One night’s reprieve won’t hurt us, I guess, but I hope you’ve gotten your Compass adjusted, so we can try to reach that point of contention, tonight of all lights?”

“Juneau Alaska, here I come!” yelled the young man with the Moose Flakes Sandwich in his hand, while the old lady replied,

“You don’t knead to say, Alaska, you know?”…..

While Ignoring His Ignore, Last Night, or Day Respectively

Lola thought that day being night and vice versa, that things were going rather well, other than the use of that last comma after that!

“Gosh Lola. If we don’t challenge the english language now and again, then we will end up being worse than…. Now how did that saying go anyway?”

“Why didn’t you capitalize “English” in that last statement?” asked the woman who was fluffing up the bed, thoroughly expecting a day of pleasure, with that being during the night as it were!

“So there I was, standing on the corner of Kenai and Kenai Street in downtown Kenai, no less, when a Moose-

“Aha!” she said, as she was stopped in Mid-Fluff, as she said “I was wondering when you wood get back to that age old retailing of something, we’d both heard, seen and felt before!”

“Gosh Lola. It almost sounds like what happened to me during the day, yesterday that is, when we were pretending it to be night, when you said “Don’t try to fool me with that move, as it is something that we’d both heard, seen and felt before!”

“I never intimated anything like that!” replied Lola, as she measured her side of the bed, then taking her right hand thusly, peeled away the covers leaving his side 100% covered, while she started to…..”Why is the Narrator Guy telling this story anyway? It’s hard enough being alone with you while you are telling that Moose Story over and over, without having someone else tell the rest of the blogging world, what we are doing in our own bed!”

“Well, we could change that simple fact and do something, almost like what we did during yesterday’s night, in someone else’s bed, or wood that confuse the story at hand too much?”

“Listen you. Just finish that story once and for all, or it will end up being another Kenai Kenai Paradox, and you know what that means, don’t you?”

“Well, all right, but remember, you asked me to start off by saying “So there I was, standing on the corner of Kenai and Kenai Street in downtown Kenai, no less, when a Moose-“ then stopping in mid-Moose saying, “You know what Lola? It might be better to solve the Kenai Kenai Paradox, before going on to better and better things like the Moose Story?”

But Lola chose to ignore his ignore, by going over to the other side of their bed, before placing her other hand on the covers occupying his side of the bed, then saying “Look Narrator Guy. I’m pretty sure we can take things from here, OK?”

-grumbling heard as the door is closed behind him, while Lola’s one and only says,

“Gosh Lola. You might as well have let him continue right up to that point in the night, or the day, whatever, as I’ll need to fill in the blanks, where he might have been, while you and I are discussing the Kenai Kenai Paradox, while still in the bedroom, or shouldn’t we just move the bed” – sounds of the bed moving towards the door, with Lola saying “Why wood moving the bed out of the bedroom, which as you might have guessed is the best place for such a contraption to reside, while-” interrupted again by someone saying “Slow down, won’t you My Love? I am not the fastest person in the world, you know?”

“Pretty nifty, eh? Italicizing those intros really highlights this blog, moving it, along with the bed, into a new area of thought, and – sounds of bed hitting the wall – “Lola, Dear. Wood you please work with me on this concept, instead of against me?”

“Look you. The only way that this bed is leafing the bedroom is if we turn it on its side, and someone else, with that person not being me, helps you, or you’ll get a sprain in your Lower Moose Muscle again! And we don’t want that to happen, do we?”

pounding heard on the front door, with someone yelling, “Hey you two. I left the last 10 minutes of my Narration on the Vanity in the Bedroom! Wood one of you fetch it for me, unless you knead help moving that bed, so we all can get on with our lives?”

Lola replied, “How did he know what we were “discussing” anyway?” -sounds of someone shuffling through some papers before answering “It’s all right here, Lola. Right down to the ultimatum where you suggested that we tie ourselves to the bed, while in an upright position, the bed that is, and start again, where we left off, yesterday day, or night, respectively!”

Lola was about to reply to his reply, when he said “Oh, by the way, Lola. You know what?

“So there I was, standing on the corner of Kenai and Kenai Street in downtown Kenai, no less, when a MooseAnd that being a rather large one at that, signaled with his Lower Moose Muscle, that he was about to

Why are you looking at me like that? Didn’t we agree to finish that story, before tackling the Kenai Kenai Paradox, or do I knead to reread the Narrator Guy’s notes and figure out, how we got right here in the blog, without anyone else noticing?”

“Or, should we begin again at the beginning of the night, or day respectively……..