Bigger Than Its Bitches

Our public service messages are bringing the whole of the Kenai Peninsula, including its outlying areas, important information continuing the long-standing tradition that this station has with Alaska and its citizens…

She was just sitting there, looking fabulous as usual, reading what he had just written, a pencil in her mouth, but neither nodding, shaking her head in dismay, nor gasping with glee. He was watching her as she read what he had just written, a

“Uh Lola. You are starting to repeat yourself.” He was watching her as she read what he had just written…

“-and you are as well.”Said by the woman who was wondering what they would be doing with the rest of this fine day, while the birds are tweet-tweeting, and the moles are, well -moling down in the ground while,

“That is you writing, and not me thinking it”, she said with a quick swirl of her hair. He wondered as well, what they could, would be using the rest of this fine day for, but didn’t want to spoil the moment with his thoughts suggesting that, uh well concerned, well, uh….

“Are you stammering again?” asked her thoughts his, but…

During the next months of our favorite season of them all, Winter. We will be bringing you important messages that will affect your life here on the Kenai Peninsula and its outlying areas. Areas of Interest might be: Has Mucky Peat troubled your dreams as of late? or, are you concerned that your Penguin Pointer has another agenda, then just Penguins?

“Whatever happened to our Penguin Pointer?” asked the love of my life, who never even had an inkling that her red-hot lover, sitting just too darn close to light her fire, was waiting with bated-breath, while she rambled on about Penguin Pointers and the like.

She crossed her legs then looked at him again. “Are you listening to what I am saying, or are you just sitting there, getting your jollies again, looking at my fabulous body?”

Uh.” he said, “I lent our Penguin Pointer out to the, or did I really loan him out to the”….stopping in mid-sentence, well almost if you didn’t measure it exactly, and looked it up in the old Kenai Book of Wisdom..”Uh.” he said again, “I loaned/lent our Penguin Pointer out to the…

“What do you mean, The Kenai Book of Wisdom? Is there really a book with that title, or are you just pulling my fetlock again?”

She did say fetlock, didn’t she? What is what he thought she said, but the boundaries of this conversation were getting a bit fuzzy around the edges, making him wonder if he wasn’t just dreaming this anyway?

Have you ever dreamed about living and loving on the Kenai Peninsula? Well, our roving reporter and Penguin Pointer will be coming with true-life stories about living and loving on this hunk of Quaternary Deposits, where You, and yes I mean You Too can make it in the shade, of the Alaskan Winter if You want to!

“I don’t know Lola, but having to put out those Public Service Messages makes me think that this blog/Internet-TV production has gotten a bit too big for its bitches!”

Lola’s head, which normally would have turned towards him in slow-motion, made a quick 90-degree turn with her eyes boring into his!

“And what Bitches are those?” she wanted to know, while he tried pinching himself in the arm with definite muscle tone, while she said,”

“Why don’t you go out and get your, “Kenai Book of Wisdom” and answer that for me?” said in such a way that I suspected that she didn’t really mean that anyway!

Well. Since I was having trouble anyway finding good muscle tone to give myself a good old Healy Pinch and wake myself up, I went into the next room and lo and behold, there was our Penguin Pointer pointing to, well…

He, that is Perky, just stared at me while I searched the bookshelves for….I mean, didn’t we have that book here somewhere? Perky was about to say something, but I then was awakened by the woman who had been sleeping next to me saying, “Come on Sleepy Head. Wake up, or should we just lie around in bed all day, having  a good roll in the hay, or something?” I rolled over to see Perky pointing towards the book on the top shelf of the, well, of the bookshelf.

I had just about reached it when someone said, “Are you going to waste all day on silly things, or are we going to do something more constructive with our time, said while revealing her most perfectly-formed body that…

“Come on Sleepy Head. Wake up, or are you just going to lie there all day mumbling about where your Book of Wisdom might be?” I rolled over to see…

“You already wrote that part”, said Lola as she uncrossed her legs and said, “How ’bout a good roll in the hay, or is there something better you’d like to do?”

Living and loving on the Kenai Peninsula. A Public Service Announcement from your friends and neighbors here at QLola, the Voice of the Kenai Peninsula and its outlying areas….

“Gosh Lola. And I always thought that the Kenai Peninsula was an outlying area…..”

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Licking the Envelope

Well today, yes today, Men and Women, Boys and Girls of Alaska, I’ve decided to lick the envelope, taking this blog to new heights and widths! No more old time stationary for me in this Digital Age of my Analog Thinking, where writing paper with small white rabbits frolicking about waiting for the mysterious woman who treats their eyes for

“Are we going someplace today, or have you transformed the living room into the center ring of The Bumbling Brothers and Healy Circus?” asked my lovely assistant, wearing a costume leaving almost nothing to the imagination, unless you are someone like me, who has had numerous fantasies about her when the stage lights are turned low, as she descends on a silk-like thread directly into my waiting arms! Anyone else in Healy…Alaska, would have said, “My Goodness Gracious, who is the lucky man that is going to unzip her untold treasures hidden under her shiny cap, while I stand there with my giant clown scissors proclaiming: This Circus to be Open!

“All right Mr Stationary, I get the picture, but getting back to your first confusing paragraph, it is not licking the envelope, but pushing the envelope!”

“Well my drop-dead lovely assistant, that makes no sense at all! Why would I want to push an envelope around, when I could lick it, along with its two brothers, Mr High and Mr Low, showing them and the rest of the Great State of Alaska, that Healy and yours truely have just as much right to have their envelopes licked as anyone else!”

“Haven’t I told you before, that Truly doesn’t contain an “e”? Have you no respect whatsoever for those wavy red lines that appear under the word when it is incorrectly spelled?”

The crowd was hushed at this revolving circle of events. “What she was saying, was that some of us, no not the rest of my fellow men in Healy…Alaska, but others in the same way, might be breaking the laws of Grammar, exciting a visit by the Punctuation Police of Palmer Alaska!”

“I realize that the wavy line didn’t appear when you wrote exciting, but that is due to the fact that it should have been inciting, and not exciting!”

“Gosh Lola. It hurts my feelings that you don’t find this topic exciting! I might just have to excuse myself for a moment and blow my nose, while you entertain the spectators with off-color jokes from your childhood growing up in Clear Alaska.  If I were you, I would first perform a screening of the audience by saying “Is anyone brave enough to admit they are from Clear, Alaska?” Most people would not want to admit to something like that, which would allow you to say, “All right then, if  any of the following jokes are offensive to you Closet Clearians, then it is your own fault for not coming clean about being one in the first place”

-“but I still have to blow my nose now, after your most obvious insult about the excitability of what I have been trying to say with help of this blog?”

“All I wanted was to tell you helping avert any misunderstanding by your use of an incorrect title, was that you had used the wrong expression in the first place!”

“All right then, apology intercepted! Let’s get on with the show!”

From stage left Ladies and Gentle, I direct your attention to the very large Moose named Barney, which has magically appeared before your very eyes. “Take a well-deserved bow Barney!” the crowd was silent not being able to see any Moose where he was supposed to be, but

“Wowzers Lola, do you think the Punctuation Police have arrested the wrong man?”

Without waiting for a reply from his fabulous-looking assistant, and by the way being available for private parties for people living in Palmer Alaska, the Ringmaster left the limelight and disappeared into the darkness. The crowd was restlessly waiting, until someone said, “What about those off-color jokes Ma’am, and showing us a bit more skin, would help us to pass the time better, if you don’t mind?”

The fellow next to him just stood up and said,”Are you one of those trouble-making Clearians, or something?”making the whole crowd start to break into a fist fight of enormous proportions! When the joint Healy-Clear Police Force arrived, the officers couldn’t contain their emotions and began to take sides in the fracas!

Lola just slipped outside while the tent was pushed to its limits, then collapsing along the seams that once had held the glue of its fabric together!

The Ringmaster, her lover and the man who would be putting Healy Alaska on the front covers of all the major newspapers in Alaska the next day, while leaning against the remains of his lifelong dream, said:

“You see. This blog has come full circle! Now, not even re-licking the glue on the tent-envelope is going to save us from trying to expand our blog after the incitement of this muddied pool of bad grammar and punctuation………”

 

In the Vision Doldrums

Barney the Vision Moose was having a hard time living up to his name. It seemed as if inspiration had taken a trip out of town, but failed to leave him a forwarding address, or a return date?

“Hey Man, how’s tricks?”, asked his friend Tristan, who was wearing multi-colored antler paint, sipping on a Short Island Tundra Tea, wearing a Hawaii-like shirt with pictures of Moose Babes frolicking in the surf!

Barney just looked at him and wondered why his best Bud had been getting his fair share of visions, while Barney was lost in the Vision Doldrums.

“Babe Problems?” asked Tristan, who tried to cheer his old friend up with suggestions:

“Tried the old Indian Sweat House? Holding your breath until you passed out? Smoking a number of the Good Stuff from Southern Alaska?”

“I don’t know Man, but those things usually work for me…”

“It’s really strange Lola. I just haven’t gotten any visions lately? Barney the Vision Moose usually pops into my head and tells me something that..”

“I’ve told you before, you don’t need any visions from other “Moose” when you’ve got “Mama Moose” right here in front of you!”

Howie poked his antlers into the house at that moment, and looked around for “Mama Moose” wanting to tell her what happened that day in the forest near Moose Pass and how they got separated, but these two nice Moose People came along and took care of him, until his Real Moose Mother found him again.

“Oh hi Howie, how’s tricks?” Howie just blinked while he looked here and there, but didn’t see “Old Mom” anywhere!

Howie’s “New Mom” asked him, “What’s wrong?”, but Howie just exited the house again, determined to search the outside house for his Old Moose Mother.

“Gosh Lola. It sure is funny how Howie has been searching for something lately? Maybe he is needing a vision as well?”

Lola didn’t answer, but she worried about it all the same. She wondered as well, what Howie was thinking about, but they didn’t teach her how to speak Moose in the Alaska Public School System!

Barney started to get an inkling. A small murmur of something, as if he’d gotten a mosquito bite, but couldn’t quite find it on his antler?

“Wow Man. It’s starting to happen, isn’t it? I know that look, Dude. Almost like when the ladies say, “My how big and strong your Antlers feel today, you know…..?”

Barney didn’t answer, but just walked over to the Vision Machine, and waited for his next assignment to arrive.

Howie still wasn’t getting anywhere looking for “Old Mom” outside. He just looked at his Nerf Football, but couldn’t think about playing with it until he got some answers about his past, but who was going to help him with that?

Suddenly Barney the Vision Moose appeared and made him smile! Barney had helped him before, and knew what he was thinking, making life a whole lot easier than trying to blink his understanding across to his “New Mom and Dad”.

Then he appeared to Lola. Lola just looked at him, not quite knowing what to say to a Vision Moose and all, but then he started speaking to her. Soft and gentle, as if she always had been able to understand “Moose” and its intricacies. When he was finished “Moosing”, she stood up and gave him a “Moose Hug” or whatever those kinds of things are called, and then he disappeared to points unknown!

Lola went outside and found Howie, giving him just such a hug, and telling him, “I know a secret, and you do too!” and Howie smiled in his Moose Way, and…

Lola! Can’t we turn the channel to something else? All of this syrupy kind of melodramatic kind of well, you know, It’s like getting bit by a mosquito, but not being able to find it on your antler, or …”

“Wait a minute” said Lola. “Did you just say, “Antler?”

“Did I?”, he asked himself, then said, “It must be one of those Moose Vision kinds of things, but you don’t believe in that kind of thing, do you?” said while smiling and whispering, “I know a secret, and you do too!” then got up and gave her a “Moose Hug” or whatever they might want to call that kind of thing?

Howie just stumbled in, tearing the door off its hinges, while dropping the Nerf Football at their feet as if to say, “Drop your silly New Moose Business and let’s play some Football!”

Lola’s eyes were sparkling as if I just had uncorked some of the good stuff, “Cook Inlet Sparkling Moose Juice anno 2018” while I faded back, back, back with the football. “He’s faded back, back, back – The announcer said, while the crowd roars,  “rrrrrrrrrrroarsssss” and the women go crazy with his…”

“Just throw the ball you Boob, before all of Mamma’s bubbles go flat….And you don’t want that happening, now do you?….”

If I Never Told You Once, I Told You a….

It was just a little bit of Termination Dust on the window sill when she said, “If I never…

I hurried about trying to do the cleaning while she, but it never is easy, is it, when someone, well someone like her, but I tried to say, “Don’t worry about a bit of Dust,”.

Lola just looked at the words on the paper, the virtual paper that is, and wondered who I was referring to, and when they were going to wipe their feet before coming in through the front door?

Lola was in the other room listening to a band called Termination Dust, when someone knocked on the front door. “No one ever visits us! So answer the door and say, “we shoot first, then will dump your body along the roadside, later!”

I never was quite sure if it was Lola’s personality, or was it the music being played sideways with hidden red paths inside of it, that promised of salvation, or was it inspiration, or maybe even perspiration, when push came to shove, leaving the rest of us in a ditch somewhere, waiting for someone to discover us and let us up again?

I was standing outside, when I discovered the Autumn closing the door behind it, leaving a faint whisper of snow on the upper peaks, conjuring up images of the Winter once again, while Lola belted out another tune behind me somewhere, encased in her headphones, while I wondered aloud if this still was Alaska, or had we moved somewhere else?

“You have no imagination”, said by someone, along a line of thought propelled by a finger whose function was to point out to me my faults, while I chopped wood, and made sure that the chimney wasn’t going to catch on fire like it did last year, making our humble abode “warm for once” while I worried about the gas tanks exploding on the other side of the cardboard-like walls between me and eternity!

“If only you spent a little more time together with me in Alaska, then…”. Just the fact that she said Alaska like that gave me the Willies. I thought I was the only one that entertained such thoughts about where we lived, and mentioned that name, almost incessantly, but when she decided to do the same, then I really, really wanted to check for pods in the basement! If we had one, that is….

“Listen to this song” she told me suddenly. “It reminds me of where we first met.”

That might just be up for discussion, but who was I to rock Lola’s boat, especially when she was so happy and all? I put the headphones on and listened. And listened. All the while she waited with bated breath, for those words that we once shared together, the first time that we realized that, that….”Lola. There isn’t any music coming out of these puppies”.

Lola just looked at me as if I had taken the bus to Homer, that is Homer Alaska and had overstayed my welcome at Bent’s Antler, Bar and Grill. “Give them to me”, she said and tugged at the cord, while she gave me a push, but that isn’t the first time that I ended up looking up at her, admiringly from my ground perspective!

She just started swaying again just to the music that wasn’t, while I thought Alaska looked a bit different here on the Quaternary Surficial deposits, undivided, or what else you might call them if you were in the Geological Ilk like some of us might be?

A sudden chilly wind descended from the direction of the latest and greatest Termination Dust Deposits, which those hearty Winter Miners would be trying their best to make a killing, before the Winter Snows destroyed their good luck at harvesting the season’s first powder and selling it to the willing tourists, which if I might be so bold to say, might possibly encompass the Odd Canadian among that type of person, whose interest might lie in that direction!

Lola just danced off into the house once again, while I continued where I left off, doing this and that in preparation for the coming Winter. The skies were just the prettiest blue, you could ever imagine, mixed with those pesky ice-crystals, which some people might worship as if they were a poem from an Australian Poet, or curse if they thought like the rest of us did!

Well, I can see that my thoughts are just about used up for this day, as the length of daylight seems to follow the moods of some of my countrymen, professing a shorter wick, and a quicker temper as the light of 2018 disappeared into the past. I only hope, I can remember that song, we first shared together, or I might just be spending my quality time outside tonight? At least the Caribou are warm to snuggle up to, if all else fails!

Then at least I can spend some time thinking a bit more about what song that might have been, or could have been, or might not have been at all?

or, was it just one of Lola’s moods,

or was it just the Tundra Dust that lie on the windowsill, or……

…… Gotta run….

Lola is yelling about something again. Might just be my way back into her good graces,

perhaps, anyway……

Qwackers

The Qwackers Chat Line is a Hotspot of Activity for Ducks and their Nearest Relations….

Bunkerz: Then I wrote, how do you know when you are flying so high in the sky, that the lake is not frozen?

Duckston Acres: Well. You takes your chances that’s for sure, but if you really want to know what is going on down there, I’d ally myself with a Lame Duck, you know one of those 4 year varieties, who-

Lola just looked at him as he “chatted” on the Eternal Internet.

Bunkerz: I’d like to be there, you know, but it is the knowing when that opportunity comes, that makes it all worth while.

Quackster joins the conversation: I mean, how do we know that you are not one of those “bird lovers” and then suddenly, Wham, Bang, Thank you ma’am. And one of us is staring out at the eternal blue, while you are just saying, “Nothing Personal, Dude”.

Bunkerz replies: Hey man. I’m not saying that I don’t taste the occasional Foul, but that doesn’t make me a threat to all Ducks, does it?

Lola joins the conversation: Are you out of your mind? Didn’t you read the specs on this “Chat Site? – For Ducks and their nearest relations – Only! Are you a duck, and don’t tell me that you are, or I might just find a gun, myself!”

Duckston Acres: Hey Man. That Chick has some serious violence issues, doesn’t she? I would watch out for her, when someone yells, “How ’bout we do the Classic V-Formation? Then before you know it, someone with a gun, registered or not, says “Aim for the one in front! Then it’s only Duck Feathers in the Dog’s Mouth, if you catch my updrift on that one?”

Quacking heard in background and cheers of “Tell it like it is, Dude!”

Bunkerz says: I’ve always had a good feeling about ducks, you know. When I was growing up in Healy, my mom used to say that I had an Old Soul, if any of you know what that means?

Quackster comes in again saying: Hey Dude. My mom used to quack the same thing to me. Where ’bouts was your nest, Man?

Bunkers replies: Up around Healy Way. You know, along the North-South route to warmer climes?

Duckston Acres says: Hey Man. You must be one of us, no matter what that Crazy Chick says! We might have even touched wingtips together, when we were young and all? Who knows?

Lola breaks in to the conversation: He is human, just like I am, and no matter how much of that Old Soul Crap you Ducks want to throw around the old Duck Blind, it doesn’t change that fact!

Just then a flock of Vision Ducks was breaking formation in the nearby skies, with one of them landing on the conversation, just as feathers were being ruffled!

Hey there, Anas (latin for Duck) what’s shaking up in the Vision Skies? asked Duckston Acres while he plucked a few pin feathers out, and…

Anas replied: Just hanging out with the boys on an upward breeze, you know how that is? the other Ducks in the background heard quacking in acknowledgment, while Bunkerz made noises that didn’t resemble anything close to what they were saying.

Hey Dude said Anas to Bunkerz: You are new around here, aren’t you?

Bunkerz replies: Yes I am. I was just curious about a few things, and after filling out the questionnaire, I started in, just like I’ve always been here!

Quacking and cries of “Right On Dude”, heard in background, interrupted by-

Lola re-enters the chat: “Look here you Fowl.  We are leaving soon, and taking our feathers with us! Don’t get all cozy with us, because it will go wrong in the end anyway, you know? Someone will see a special at the local store, then there will be a rampage to get to the frozen-foods section, then it’ll be Every Duck for Himself!”

Anas replies: Look Ma’am. I realize that we are different in many ways, but this is just a forum for ideas. You are to leave both your hostilities and what you knew before behind you, and just feel the cool breezes of the Alaskan Autumn Winds through your feathers, and-

Bunkerz says: He’s right, you know Lola! No one is expecting you to walk like a Duck on your first try, now are they? Just take life what it is, and let the rest fall into place by itself!

Duckston Acres replied: I am still sure that you are one of us Man, somewhere down in that Moose Skin of yours, just give it a bit more time, OK?

Lola replies: He is not a Moose! He is a-

Bunkerz says: Lola. If the Moose Skin fits, then accept it! These animals sense something in me that-

Quackster says: Hey Dude and Dudette, you’ve just gone over the 800-word mark, so I’d suggest you get a move on, before someone out there takes a potshot at your Moose Skins and-

Lola sighing: There must be someone in this blog that would side with me, but she might just end up being from Canada, and we all know what that means?

Quackster: Hey Dudette. Don’t knock the Canadians. They have ducks as well! Try to open your mind for once and encompass the diversity of this Fowl Life…..

Drop the K and Enhance the C

“I’d like to place a bet on that title”, said Lola as she craned her neck to read it properly.

I was looking at it straight away, but didn’t see anything especially special about it. “Gosh Lola. It’s just about Grading our Company to get the most out of our wealth and success.”

Lola continued to look at the title, then read his last statement, before saying “I don’t seem to catch your drift on this one?”, thinking that Continental Drift might have something to do with it, but she couldn’t stand another story about Geologists in Healy!

“Did you just think Healy Alaska?” He asked, but she changed the subject to something else. “And just what name should our company have?” said while still wondering what company and why?

“I’ve been thinking again, which usually makes you sigh and groan, then you take out a pack or two of cigarette, and consider not smoking as many as you can before I continue….Well,  it could be called the Cenai Cabbage and Cannabis Company, but those 3-Cs make it look a bit too haughty and all….Or, if you are really wild – waiting for some kind of response, as if she were still breathing air…..The KCCK, which would be the Kabbage, Cannabis, and Cenai Kompany, which-”

“Why are you changing the K in Kenai to C? That just isn’t done without prior approval, you know?” Wondering what the Governor would say this time, they wrote to him/her. “Hey”, she said suddenly, “Who is the Governor right now?” said while he played around in the Quaternary Sands of the Qenai Peninsula, balancing on the letters as if Twister was something that, that-

“Uh”, he said slowly. “Zarah Plain? or was she the one they discovered to still be a Canadian Citizen?”

“Not everyone was once a Canadian Citizen you know? And it is still not the Qenai Peninsula, you Duck impersonator you!”

“That was hitting below the the Mallard”, he said, but kept on his course, steady as she goes and said,”It doesn’t really matter what we call it, does it? We’ll just do what we usually do and ignore those people who, who. Gosh Lola. I hate it when we argue like this, we really should be sipping Tropical Tundra Juice on Bali right now, letting the employees mind the company, while we are nob-hobbing and set-jetting all over the globe, just as others seem to do!”

“Look you. We don’t have any employee, and besides that, flying around the world and pretending that we are someone, we are not, costs money. Moola. Muchos Dineros. Got that Spanky?”

I really loved it when Lola was balancing on the edge of the Deep End. She would get all red in her face, then accuse me of raising my voice to her, making her sad and mad at the same time, while I just stood there and smiled, offering her my hands in friendship and love!

“And keep those scrawny paws away from me, considering me just as hot and mad as Mt Redoubt was during its eruption in 1990.”

I really wanted to tell her about where I got my inspiration from, but I was not to mention certain countries in the Southern Hemisphere, nor was I to mention certain persons that might have lived there, before, during and after they had jetted off to places unknown!

“Well, I also thought about putting a row of K’s together, but something told me that was not the best idea, somehow?”

“Maybe just the Quaternary Qompendium of Quenai Alaska, though putting Alaska at the end makes the wording seem too wrong, or what say you Lolaqins?”

Lola just walked outside and looked up into the darkening skies of November, wondering what people were really doing on Bali right now, and if they used Q in their vocabulary?

“-Or, we could just trash this blog, and I could make you a cup of hot Koqoa, then rub your feet, while telling you how fabulous you look in the fading light of this month’s Continental Drift Leaf Fall.”

Lola was against seeing his words go to waste, but on the other foot, his rubs were legendary among the imaginary employees of the QCKQ-whatever Company that might have had her name on it somewhere, or perhaps even not?

“The darned thing is”, he said as the word ticker signaled the coming end of the blog, “the employees are threatening to strike unless we give them pay raises and benefits!”

Lola just looked at him, thinking that with an imagination like his, we’ll never make it to Bali, unless some jet-setter from Down-Under passes on by, and takes his with him….

-whatever his name was again?….

Walking in Healy

Back in my home town today brought memories that I only would remember, when I felt the bite of the asphalt on my summer feet, or saw the smile of a girl, whose name fails me, if you’d ask me today?

Walking in Healy wouldn’t attract the attention of most people. Speeding by on the way to, or from Fairbanks, most wouldn’t even notice it as a bump in the road, or someplace to take a picture, while stretching their legs, or having a smoke before continuing onward. I myself might have been like they, trying to ignore that someone like me would have come from this smallest of places, while others would boast about the bright lights and active streets of where they professed to call home.

The trees have grown as well as the paint on the buildings, I once knew, has chipped as well. I looked in vain for the park bench, that I had carved my name into, while I had my arm around a girl, who I said, I’d never ever forget. She made me, or was it just an encouragement, carving our names into that bench bolted on the concrete, saying ” when we are old and grey my love, our names will stand as a testament to our love”. Our love that came then went, as so many seasons did as well, but who in their youth mark the procession of the seasons, as we do when we are up in years? Just so many years later, it seems.

The temperatures have fallen into the minus area, just managing to climb over the freezing point when the sun considers coming out for the day, today. Some might call it the oppressiveness of winter, while others would just accept is as normal, when the icy fogs cling to the billboards and illuminate the spiderwebs in the surrounding fields, happening just as it was the year before, and the others before that.

I can’t really say what brought me to Healy today? Just a whim, or an itching in my mind saying, “What are the old folks doing today anyway?”

My father didn’t seem as if he welcomed me, or was it just his lumbago acting up again, that stifled his words when we met at their front door? My mother was in the kitchen as usual, making something my father most likely would reject as inedible, then retire to his reclining chair to curse the TV-news and the President as well. Mom just dried her hands on her apron and asked how life was in the Big City? Anything larger than Healy-size counted for her as the Big City, even if the place that I lived in had 5 more residents than the sign professed to possess – when leaving and don’t look away too long – entering this census designated place, somewhere in the region that others called Alaska.

My mom and I made small talk, while my father yelled for another beer. My mother looked at times as if she longed for another life, but how many chances do we really have, before something inside of us says, “accept things as they are, you won’t find anything better than this..”

The day was waning into darkness when we parted company once again. My father had fallen asleep in his chair, while my mother waved goodbye at the front door. I turned around just as she shut away the life that I once had known, while I packed Healy away for another day. Perhaps when I returned, we could all take the drive to Denali National Park, but then my father would complain how the DOT and PF had spent his hard-earned Tax Money somewhere else, instead of doing a good job of paving roads close to where he lived, but then who could trust the state and government anyway?

I pulled out my camera to take one last shot of the Healy Sign, as I exited the dream of my youth, but noticed that someone in their eagerness had shot out the vowels with their firearm of choice, making my memories just a bit harder to remember, when looking at that photo and trying to make it correspond with my past. I guess not all things remain exactly as we choose to remember them, but we as well, are not as time had thought we should look, after all those years had gone by, without a trace of recognition, not even a carved name on a park bench to point at, and call our own.

That was my memory of Healy on this fine day, just a bit later on in my life in Alaska….

Standing in the Muddied Waters of the Cook Inlet

Part 3 of Lust in the Afternoon turned Night with Lola-45 and the man whose muscles would someday tell a story of…

“Didn’t I just tell you”, yelled Lola at me, “to spray paint the windows black, and keep a low profile from the unruly mob outside!”

Yes, actually she did, but I still had a TV-station to run, and the employees needed someone at the helm to guide the ship through the semi-rocky waters of the Cook Inlet. I was their shining example of trust, and fortitude, flexing the hidden muscles in my arms, showing them, that all is not lost, and…

The first rock smashed the glass in the eye of their symbol, Lola-Q at the front of the building! “Ow that hurt!” he said, while wondering what was next to come, and if that old Priest-hole behind the fine-grained paneling in the smoking room would still allow them to safely exit the building while…

“Uh”, said Lola looking at the fire escape plan regarding buildings constructed later than 1980. “This was never a church, you know, so how are we going to escape behind the finely-crafted plastic exterior of this room’s  interior?”

He felt a bit inside out of her last reply, but he still managed to crawl over to the nearby PC and type out a message to the collected masses, appealing to their better nature and….

“If you don’t produce a scantily-clad woman soon, we are all going to Heck in a Hand-basket, which amazingly is not the name of the nearby bar, where pole-dancing was performed by…”

“You see. Too many sub-plots spoil the muddied waters of the Cook Inlet, which is what got us into this mess in the first place!” said while looking at herself in then nearby mirror, getting herself ready for the final scene, which had been lacking in the first two episodes of the Forest Maiden, and what the residents of the Kenai Peninsula were really clamoring for!

Her companion and muscle-flexer, awaited a Vision from Vision Moose, Inc., who usually were standing by, ready to save the day, when things went from bad to worse, and worse than that! Barney had been strangely absent, making him wonder if this time, he really was on his own?

Barney hadn’t really forgotten him, but his Lumbago was a mistress that needed tending to, before she told the town of his improprieties and other and sundry…

“I’d let Barney finish of his explanation before we wade any further out into the Cook Inlet”, said by the Forest Maiden, as she sipped some moss-flavored tea, and thumbed through, “Forest Maiden Monthly”. This month’s cover story, “How to keep the locals from rioting, when you don’t show enough skin, making them clamor for more!”

Barney the Vision Moose appeared, sort of, with just his head visible. “Sorry about not coming before now, but the old body just ain’t what it used to be, you know?”

Boy did he. He tried flexing his muscles, in the midst of the chaos and mayhem, but they didn’t seem to cooperate, when he told them to…

“Ahem!” said the woman whose scantily-clad appearance made his blood burn hotter than a firecracker, which she quickly doused, keeping him on the straight and narrow, while he typed out a proper ending this visit to the shallow gravels of the shores along the Cook Inlet!

The young maiden sighed as she waited for him to gather his wits about him, and ask her for a night of ultimate pleasure- while the angry shouts of the mob outside were turned into cheers and shouts of, “Take it off Baby, we’ve waded through these muddy waters for almost 3 blogs, and some of us need something else to think about now!”

Lola wiped the sweat of anticipation from his furrowed brow, tempting him with her body and her mind. Suddenly and without any further sub-plots, the spotlight was turned in her direction, illuminating her voluptuous form, leaving nothing to the imagination, while her hands caressed the thought of him leading her into her carefully prepared bedroom, where their all-night ensemble of mood lighting and paintings on the walls suggesting an all out, furious eruption of the nearby favorite volcano, Mt Redoubt, sputtering and splattering its…

“Uh”. said Lola again. “Now, I think you’ve given the audience what they came for, at least enough to keep them from rioting any further, until another season of “Forest Maiden and her Muscle Man” debuts again. That is, when and if it is renewed for another season?”

He just sat there quietly, flexing the muscles, he could find, saying, “So what do we do with the rest of the evening?”

She thumbed through his notes until she found something interesting, and while he leaned over those words, coming closer to her than what was allowed in Healy, when I was younger…it might have been that time when my mother said, “No, your hair being red as well as the Postman, has no relationship whatsoever what with your father being away so often on those symposiums in Anchorage, or what was her name again, Dear? My father just Harrumphed, and said,

Lola just got up and closed the manuscript, taking my hand, while my parents duked it out in the past, saying “Are you ready with that hidden muscle of yours, Big Guy?”

with the blog slowly but Shirley, fading to black…..




Teetering on the Edge of the Cook Inlet

Part 2 of: The Maiden in the Magical Forest. Will she be taking it all off this time in the light, or will the young man of the Kenai, be forced to feel his way along her….

“Ticket sales seem to be pretty good”, said by the man who had been working on the muscle in his other arm, trying to equal, or exceed his performance in, “Darn Close to the Cook Inlet!”

“Report of fist-fights breaking out by would-be ticket-holders trying to score the next installment of “Edging the Cook Inlet” with Lola Repeating-45 and her one-muscled lover!”

“I really would like to know who writes those reviews”, said by the man whose legendary love antics with Lola-45 had brought down the house in the first installment, of this window-fogging epic tale of lust on the Kenai Peninsula. She wanted him, more than the cucumber sandwiches that defined their love, but what if he didn’t live up to her expectations? What charms would she put on him this time, taking her to the heights of ecstasy, while saying, “..

“Part 2 and I’m sitting all alone here in the Vision Forest TV-room”, said Tristan aloud to no one, while eyeing a Get-Well Soon Card, he was writing to Barney, still in the throws of his Lumbago Attack, being nursed back to health by…

Lola arranged her clothing thus, while admiring her costume in the mirror. “Mirror, mirror on the….Nope, she thought to herself. That’s been done already. She longed to feel his muscular hands upon her willing body, while she told him “Oh brave man with the muscular, but loving hands.Today, if you would touch me right here…

The audience knew that the money they paid out for Part 2 was about to be cashed in, with text messages being sent to their loved ones at home saying,”grab onto your support stockings, this might just be the moment, we’ve been waiting for!”

Munching on a cucumber sandwich and looking at Lola, looking at herself, telling himself, “Just a darn lucky fellow, I guess? And who would have thought it possible, living here perilously close if not wading into the shallow waters of, with the crunchy gravels of the Kenai Peninsula, tempting me back with her temptations, and Gawd how I want to taste her cucumber delights once again!”

You left out, “Cook Inlet” in that last rendition of “My life story, loving Lola in Alaska!” Her right hand had been cramped a bit lately, having to sign all of those autographs, but she hoped that it would be back in shape, before Part 2 aired tonight on their Internet TV-Channel, “QLola”. She wondered Y the Q had to be in the name, but he only said, “I’m afraid a sneak preview has been leaked on the Internet, with some of the more juicier scenes showing…

Tristan hit the monitor hoping that his Internet Provider hadn’t shafted him again, but sometimes when someone’s visions go bad, who do they blame? Well, the Vision Moose of course! He had heard on the Vision Grapevine that a bootleg copy of Part 1’s darkened bedroom scene was circulating around the Internet, making him all the more frustrated thinking that…

“I don’t know Lola, It seems as if the white rabbit has been let out of the bag, what with all of these leaks and what not! I just wanted to keep you all to myself, but what with your photo decorating lockers, showing a sneak preview of you that I thought I had coming to my own screen, then, then….”

Lola came over to Mr Success in Everything saying, “Now you can see how things tend to get out of hand, when you run too many sub-plots at the same time. I would be satisfied just sharing a cucumber sandwich with you, leaving the rest of the world wondering what it tasted like!” She gave him a big Moose Hug and whispered something in his ear, that not even this Undercover Reporter was able to hear.

They just wandered into their bedroom, but paused by the door to issue a statement. “Ahem”, said Lola, who was good at saying things like that, then continued with….

“But does that mean that we get our money back, or do we have to trash this place to get our point across?” A point well taken by the crowds who had braved the cold weather in their local section of Alaska in order to see Lola in her young forest maiden birthday suit, with all of its charms and enticements!

Tristan just looked through the Vision Viewer and said, “I must be losing my talents, if a decent Vision Moose like me didn’t see that one coming?”

-with Lola closing the door behind them leaving only a trace of a memory of cucumber sandwiches behind them, as the scene once again faded to black…..

Darn Close to the Cook Inlet

Along the Cook Inlet, in the forest that the locals called, “haunted” lived a young maiden in an old, but well-kept cottage. Every day she’d gather her herbs and such, inside that very forest, as she was not concerned with hearsay, or legends of old. She did, however, dream of someone who would chance upon her cottage, as he wandered the plains and the meadows of the wild Kenai, leading him to her door, and tempting him with what lie within!

“If that “young maiden” is what “lie” within, I’d imagine he was going to get pretty lucky when he “chanced” by her modest cottage in the woods!”

Lola did not fall off the moss cart yesterday, which meant that stories of that caliber, or Single Action Army, if the 45 didn’t make any sense to the readers, still waiting for her to remove her clothing, revealing something that only the wild animals of the forest, had yet marveled and-

Barney the Vision Moose was taking a dark chocolate break with Tristan, when this story of passion in the afternoon rolled on by, with Tristan saying “This might just be the moment that we’ve been waiting for? I’ve been telling you, that Lola-chick has a body that a well-developed moose would do hoof-springs over!”

Barney might have done some hoof-springs when he was younger, but even though it sounds like a good idea now, he was dreading the days after, when—

Tristan continued,”What about Shelia, Man? She might just rub you the right way, if your hoof-springing days are behind you!”

Barney turned to him and said, “I

The young woodsman, whose journey led him along the blue waters of the Cook Inlet was pondering his life and times. He too had been warned away from that magical forest, where Vision Moose romped, and young foxy-looking maidens, were waiting to tempt unsuspecting young men, leaving them starry-eyed and alone along the side of the road, while–

Barney said,”I guess, we’ve made a name for ourselves, if someone decided to add us to their “magical forest” with us romping around like a pack of white rabbits, or something?” said as Tristan looked under his hooves and said, “Darn animals! And not easy to scrape off again after a night of furious romping!”

Lola, the young woman was concerned that this increasing number of sub-plots would take the attention away from her fabulous body, so she decided to use her charms and temptations to lure that unsuspecting young man, with at least one muscle in the one arm, who could do at least one push-up if she was really lucky, but didn’t want to tax his efforts, before he, before they, well- when they did what would make people stand up in the theater, and lose their popcorn before the performance was over!

He felt the need to enter the forest, which beckoned towards him, in a mysterious way. Deeper and deeper he thrust his way in, but a voice called out to him, “You haven’t gone all the way yet, and I hope you are man enough to do so?”

Just inside the magical forest, stood a cottage, with a mailbox. The name read,”L.45″ which reminded him of a gun that he had seen in the local shop, nearby in the village of Kenai. “Never heard of Kenai?” he asked the audience, who were squirming in their seats, waiting for him to say, “Alaska”.

“Hey Barney Man”, said Tristan, who was munching on Licorice-Flavored Popcorn imported from Denmark. “Do you really think they’ll be doing it, before the 800-word mark comes, or do we have to play our favorite game, “What is Lola hiding beneath her-

Barney tried to maintain an air of dignity, but it was never easy while Tristan was around. He was not like the other Vision Moose with pinups of the clients on their lockers, which was something that was “just not done” with those people we work for! He did, however, own a photo or two, hidden away under his, well, not that he’d admit to, anyway…

The door was flung open by a young woman with hair as wild as the-

“Gosh Lola. What should your hair be like?” asked by the young man, who felt the one muscle in his arm, just waiting to impress the young maiden by carrying her back into her cottage, and-

“Forget about her hair, you dolt. Can’t you see how close she is to being “taken” by the man, she’d tempted and lured to her den of pain and pleasure, with him not being able to find the words to express her beauty, but had better get a move on with them, or his bed might seem a bit less warm when this tale is over, and he is out sleeping with the Caribou again!”

“My Goodness gracious young woman!” said the young man in awe. “Never in my life before, have I experienced a beauty such as yours!”, said as she stood in the kitchen, wearing only her tear-away forest dress, while holding a fried cucumber sandwich in her hand, just inches away from his quivering touch!

“Would you like to be the first one to taste of my pleasures?” she asked him, as she revealed…

“Come on Barney. This is no time to say that your Lumbago is acting up! This is the moment that we’ve been waiting for. Come on Dude. Give it the Old Healy Try!”

The door closed behind them, while the light in the room faded to black. The audience were waiting for Scene 4, The Epilogue, but the ushers just went about their business, emptying the empty popcorn boxes and waving their light wants toward the exit signs!!

Tristan just looked at Barney as the carried him away on the stretcher. “Tough Luck Dude, but we’ll try again when the sequel shows up, OK?”

Lola’s sweet voice sounded in the darkness. I can’t see a darned thing in here, where is that pointy flashlight of yours, anyway….

“It was here a minute ago, my love. We’ll find it though, I’ll just give it the old Healy Try!”