Lola asked me to consider her in a different way. I thought, I’d tried all the different ways before, but this time turned out to be different. Before I get into this story, I had to visit the nearby TruWalu Hardware Store for an important item.
Armand greeted me with the usual joy and excitement of being a major cog in the wheels that were driving Alaska forward. His store was filled with top to toe, or the reverse, with everything in the world. Lola might have gotten lost here, if it had been someplace for her, but her heart was more to visiting Wally’s Gun Emporium and Sushi Bar, being just next door to Armand’s place.
My quest today was not only one bottle, but a whole box of “Fog Away“, a spray that was guaranteed to keep your sight “Fogless“. Armand prided himself on knowing of his customers and their ways, but I felt that this time, I needed to keep this particular purchase under wraps. “A little too steamy at home?” he still managed to ask, while I was heading for the door. I tried to respond in a fitting way, but suffered a lack of words, as I pushed on the glass door, setting off the local hit “Caribou Blues” which was heard whenever anyone entered, or left Armand’s Hardware paradise!
Back at home, I told Lola I was ready for her new plan for us. I sprayed a copious amount of “Fog Away”on my glasses and hoped for the best.
“Now” said Lola, taking a deep breath, showing me two of the reasons we were together that day and others, and began to speak.
“I have not felt that you have been attending to my needs of late.”
Such a thing to say. I used my best moves on Lola, waiting for her to counter them by moaning in the right ways, and during the best parts of my whole, but that was apparently not enough.
“You don’t seem to do what I want, when I am using certain words!”. I felt my glasses starting to fog again, which made me break open a new bottle of “Fog Away” before the subject went any deeper, or became more penetrating.
“I’ve made a list of important words, which will allow you, to allow me to attain a new sense of consciousness.”
Breathing, pushing, raising, pounding, exposing, biting, thighs spread, moans escaping...
“Stop it Lola” I yelled aloud, but had to feel my way towards her to apologize for my outburst. Fog Away, I thought. A complete waste of money! This was not going to work, I just knew it.
She just sat there, looking hot and bothered, putting down her tablet where those words seemed to exist from someone else’s imagination, but where mine didn’t seem to match them in form, or function.
Lola started again, after sighing a bit, but coming with a new suggestion.
“If we take those words, then translate them into some that are less threatening for you, then you’ll be able to use them without losing your sight (and your mind).”
“Remember” She said before we began. “It is just a question of Semantics”.
Breathing – might be panting, gasping, or pulling air in and out of your lungs
Pushing – could be thrusting, poking or jabbing
Pounding – hammering, throbbing, jack-hammering until the lights go out
Exposing – undressing, unclothing, stark, what the eyes cannot look away from
Biting – nibbling, chewing, snapping
Thighs Spread –
Moans Escaping.. “Funny that you would mention that Lola. I met a fellow the other day named Mogens, Danish I believe, and he told me about how foggy their glasses get, when…..”
“We are moving away from the subject at hand” said Lola, a bit more exasperated this time. “I would like you to take my alternative words, and use them in a story, then you could recite it to me, when we…..”
I would, really I would, but she was still lacking a synonym for the next-to-last phrase, “Thighs Spread“. I thought of Butter being spread on bread, or perhaps it was a new recipe for pancakes. Maybe it should have been flapjacks, or griddlecakes, but not with buttermilk or, we’d have to go to the store, and sometimes I’d get distracted thinking about sauces.
Lola just looked at me and against her better judgement, chose to ask what I was babbling about?
“In the old days” I began, “as if we were out exploring the last Outpost with Douglas Fairbanks, which is another place in Alaska, or Moot Shipley, the famous Alaskan Trapper, who…”
The look on Lola’s face told me to continue, or die, which seemed to be a good enough argument for anyone existing on this side of her rifle collection.
“People used to talk into the Clown’s mouth at Jack-in-the-box. Then there was the TV commercial with a young kid named Rodney Allen Rippy. What’cha eating? A Jumbo Jack. I used to dream, some might say fantasize about the Secret Sauce that was contained in those puppies, but….”
“Lola honey. Where are you going?”
The door slammed with the sound of her footfalls exiting the house, while cursing and yelling about killing that wolf once and for all. Regardless of whether he was outside the house, or inside….
I felt the need to work on my assignment, which started to look like a life-or-death task, as the day grew older, and I sat in the corner of the room with my classic “Hunted Animal Look” residing on my face.
I thought of starting with “Thighs Spread” and working my way as far as I could with that opening line…..pardon the pun…
To be continued, but if you are only going to moan about that thought, then you might have to re-adjust your fantasies!…