The Pathos of Moose Gum Wrappers

“Well, then she let out a small sigh, as my finger ran along her boot, as

“Let me guess” said Lola, as she swept the floor of the blog room “This is the continuing story of the youth of our love, when we only gazed into one anothers eyes and, and….move your feet, won’t you, or I can’t sweep all of those Moose Gum Wrappers from under them!”

“Gosh Lola. Bet you can’t remember the first time, you said something like that to me, can you? Why in all relationships people are careful not to reveal anything that might irritate the other person, like how I ran my finger, and just one of them mind you, along her boot, with her saying

“I don’t ever remember you doing such a thing, especially since I don’t wear boots!” said the woman, whose adept sweeping tactics, had almost finished today’s blog before it even got started, but then he said

“Well, who is to say they were your boots?” said her mate of many ears, though without listening to what she had to say, at least twice in their time together!

“Why is the New Narrator Guy trying to make me mad today?” asked Lola, while the answer might have sounded something like “Dunno?”

“Anyway, she looked at me, while I was adjusting the spark something or others on the car, with her whispering “Are you going to caress those things all day long, or wouldn’t you rather caress these things here!”

“Stop and desist!” yelled Lola, as she spun his blog chair around and said “I demand to know, whose “things” you are caressing in this story, and more importantly, if they happened to be mine, did we, I mean, were we, you know, let’s just say, did the shelf construction succeed, or didn’t it?” said, while blowing the hair out of her eyes, when he replied,

“Oh look there, Lola. Our first caller today! I didn’t even realize, the Podcast Microphone was lit, but let’s take the Moose by the Creamed Corns and answer the puppy, OK?”

“Hey Buddy. I have to tell you that this episode of you and the Moose Skin Woman is by far the sexiest one, we, that is me and the Misses have heard, and without either of you two saying that natural aphrodisiac word, Alaska!”

-grabbing the microphone then saying “Look you. If you are one of those crazies who think that sweeping the floor is some sort of a natural turn on, then I’d suggest you take a Sunday’s drive to Kenai and ogle the goings on, where those three Moose, or Thrice Meese, ploughed into one another, OK?” intoned Lola, as

-whispering heard in the background, with the caller then saying “Listen here, Missy. You might be able to make fun of the English Language over there in that largish country, where you came from, but we here in Alaska, know that

-“Excuse me, Caller One, but Caller Two has just waved his pinky in our direction, so I” just let him, or her say something to this overly-heated conversation!”

“I was just wondering why Caller Number One mentioned Alaska, when we are in Alaska?” said someone, and knot one of note!

“Look you” said Lola, while her mate went into the kitchen to rummage around in the refrigerator “Obviously, you haven’t heard this Podcast before, seeing as how hearing the word “Alaska” seems out of place, while the rest of the insane world, know how that exact word, is the basis for all things on this planet!”

–munching heard in the background, then a voice says “You see, my Sweet. Yet another everyday, mundane type of occurrence, while mentioning my casual caressing of that woman’s boot, and yet here we are, with you having insulted our listeners once again, and that with a dust pan filled with Moose Gum Wrappers, no less!”

“So what you are admitting to” she said most exasperately “happens to be about your foreplay with someone else’s boot, while the woman of your life, is standing here with a dustpan filled with unrequited Moose Gum Wrappers?”

“Oh Look, Now Caller Number Three has braved the telephone lines, stepping gingerly over them, without tripping, to call us, and not using fowl language at that!”

“Hey you two. I want to know when we are getting to the final retelling of the Man and Her Boot? I’ve got to tell you that the old lady is getting impatient, what with my finger residing on her own left boot, while wondering if it will be traveling onward to another, more exciting stop, or shouldn’t we just

-grabbing the microphone again, then saying “Look you! I suggest you drop the “Misses” and find someone else’s foreign boot to caress, seeing as how it wasn’t my boot, he was caressing!” fumed Lola

“Dear listeners” he said, while wresting the microphone away from his one and lonely “It seems as if this Podcast has run just a bit outside its designated lines, so we’ll need to get our erasers and pencils and debate just how far this blog should be going!”

–sounds of microphone being placed on the blog table, then a voice said ,

“Come on My Sweet. Put down that dustpan and come over here, OK?”

-more sounds of shuffling feet, then a voice said “Hey Buddy. You forgot to end the last call, with me and the Misses still waiting in the “Boot Position”! Are you telling us that we need to get us a dustpan, filled with Moose Gum Wrappers, with her, while still wearing her boots, or have I gotten things mixed up and all?”

-picking up the Blog Microphone again, then saying

“It seems as if our pencils have broken their tips, so we’ll have to continue this discussion another day!” said by the man, whose own broken tip, was about to be hit by a dustpan filled to overflowing with spent Moose Gum Wrappers!

–“Easy for you to say, Buddy” said the last caller, as the undefined blog lines started to close in on our hapless pair “Not an especially good place to end this Podcast, what with the Old Lady and me, sitting here with our erasers, and our pencils, along with her boot, where my finger is still residing, while balancing my dustpan, filled to the brim with unrequited Moose Gum Wrappers, while…………….

Tuna Fish Popsicle

“Gosh Lola. Just the other day on our Podcast, I got the idea to highlight local artists with their home-blown music, both rectangally and longitidally!”

“If you noticed” said the vivacious brunette, re-reading what had just been written, “Your use of “inventive adverbs” will most certainly get our listeners out of their seats, if only to bean you for your misuse of the English Language!”

“Well, at least they’ll be getting some exercise in the matter!” said by the man who gnu, but didn’t always tell, and then some!

“Today, friends, neighbors and those whose tuning fork on their radios, won’t move past this Podcast, we’ll be hightailing local artists and their special twist on local music!”

“Our first guest, also known to some or all of you as our local guide, will be playing a tune, first thought of during those long hours and days, while wiling away on an ice-floe, somewhere between here in Alaska, and there in Antarctica!”

-“Wait just a minute, OK, as there seems to be a caller already, and we should, and wood take care of those things as they come, shouldn’t we?”

“Hey Buddy. Do you have any tips, or maybe your Local Guide did, concerning how we move the Tuner on our Radio past this Podcast? Every Time your Local Guide says something, the dogs just jump around as if it were dinnertime again, and we can’t afford to feed them each time that happens!”

“Seeing as how that is of a technical nature, I would advise our troubled follower to tune into our sister station, just a wavelength farther down the dial, which will help with difficulties such as those!”

-“Oh wait. There is one more call coming in! Just think what will happen when the music starts playing?”

“Hey Buddy. Maybe you didn’t understand me before, but how can I move down the dial to your sister station, if I can’t move the – expletive deleted – past this crazy station?”

“I just love comments from our local listeners, don’t you?” with that question being posed to the Local Guide, who merely nodded then picked up his 2-string Ukulele and began to play!”

Lola was sitting at work, wondering how many “followers” wood be sharpening their scythes and pitchforks today, when Dave, or somebody like him, burst into the office saying

“Marjory! You’ve got to listen to this tune here! It’s the most pipe-wrenching tune, this side of that largish country that you used to call home!”

Lola listened intently, then said “But there isn’t any sound coming from your radio!”

“Are you Deef? Can’t you feel the pathos of that music, and the title as well, “I wish, I had a Tuna Fish Popsicle”!

Just then Dr Stone emerged from his office saying “Oh hi Marjory, Dave, or somebody like him, what is happening today, and do I really care anyway?”

Dave, or somebody like him was about to answer his question, as Dr Stone abruptly turned tail and went back into his office saying “Marjory, no calls, OK?”

“A new call is coming in, and I feel obliged to answer it, no matter how many threats might come of it!” said the man, whose Local Guide was busily tuning his Ukelele which in fact is not that easy a word to spell, no matter how many times I’ve tried!

“Yes, Dear Caller. What can we do for you today?”

“Ahem. I was just wondering, if your Local Guide had written that tune when thinking of a particular person, someone who he was fond of, and then some?”

“That was an extremely intuitive question, and most probably out of bounds of this Podcast” said the man whose own supply of Tuna Fish Popsicles were at that moment, being eyed, one eye at a time, while his partner was babbling in the Podcast Room!”

Dr Stone burst out of his office again saying “My goodness, gracious! I wonder if our local record store has that new tune in stock, or do we need to

-interrupting him saying, “Uh. Dr Stone” said Marjory, or the New Marjory, take your pick “There aren’t really any record stores anymore, seeing as how music today is sold online and the like!”

Dave, or somebody like him said “If the Good Doctor wants to buy a record, then we should humor him, shouldn’t we?”

“And I am holding in my left hand, the latest issue of “Tuna Fish Popsicle” soon to be found in a record store near you!” said by the man, who sucked on a Popsicle of note, while his Local Guide just looked at him, prompting him to say, “Or, we will be offering it, online as the young folks say, sooner than your own personal ice-floe melts under you!”

Lola just sighed while wondering if it were better to return home, or just remain at her desk, seeing as how the whimsy factor seemed to equal itself, no matter where she decided to be!

The Good Doctor came out again saying “New Marjory, would you please go over to the Kenai Mini-Market and buy me a Tuna Fish Popsicle? Then I can cry the blues with that Local Guide, as he

“You mean the Penguin, don’t you?” asked Lola, as the blog melted between her fingers, depositing itself like Tuna-flavored water on the floor……

Addressing Her Long List of Rhetorical Questions

“So he says to me, and you know what he says?” said someone, whose desperation in these matters was widely known, and rejected!

“No” said Lola as she yawned a bit while she poured the Moose Milk onto her Moose Flakes. “What did he say?”

“Gosh Lola. I never expected you to answer a rhetorical question like that, but I’m all game this time, OK?”

“Why does this milk carton have a picture of a bear on the side?” asked Lola, while he said “What that a rhetorical question as well, or can anyone or his brother answer you?”

-reading, “Vote for your favorite Fat Bear and win an all-expense paid trip to the Kenai Peninsula!”

“Pass me that carton, won’t you my Sweet? I’ve dreamed for ears and ears to win such a journey, and this might just be my only opportunity for seeking love and adventure on

“What do you mean, love and adventure? I’d have thought that living with me was adventure enough? And the love part is just a sideline, if you can get it, that is?” said Lola, as she looked at the Moose Flakes on her spoon, before saying “There is something funny about these Moose Flakes! Where did you buy them anyway?”

-looking closely at the Moose Flakes with his Kenai Boy’s Magnifier, then saying “Oh, those Moose Flakes! Why I bought them the other day while in Kenai, Proper, together with Our Local Guide!”

“You mean, your Penguin, don’t you?” said Lola, who chose not just to mince her words, but finely divide them using one of his Kenai Boy’s Kitchen Knives, available online at a website near you!

-without answering her, as he took a piece of paper and began jotting down

“What are you doing, here in the middle of our conversation?” asked Lola as she tasted the Moose Flakes before saying “Definitely not the usual kind! Come on then, what were you doing in Kenai Proper?”

“On this piece of paper” said, while going back a paragraph of two “there are two sets of numbered questions, both of the rhetorical kind, and the non-rhetorical kind! It’s not always easy, knowing which ones to answer, so I thought this method wood help!”

“I was in Kenai Proper the other day” then stopping before saying “Wood this be a rhetorical or non-rhetorical answer?”

“Just answer me for once, wood you?” said Lola, while adding “Something about these Moose Flakes tells me something, but what is it?”

-writing down again saying “That sounds like a rhetorical question if I never heard one before!”

“-but we aren’t ever going to answer the Moose Flakes question if you keep interrupting me about Kenai Proper, are we?”

-then writing something again with her saying “Now what are you writing?”

“Gosh Lola. That might just classify as a rhetorical question as well?”

“Anyway, I was in the Kenai Proper Cash and Go Store, when Our Local Guide pointed to those very Moose Flakes, saying that-

“Did you actually hear him utter those words, or did it just happen inside your head?” asked Lola, as she stopped him again from writing on the paper saying “Later my Dear, OK?”

“Well, just then two fellows came by with the one telling the other, in a somewhat gravelly voice, how Our Local Guide was strangely familiar, while the other fellow said “I

“This other fellow, or somebody like him, was he called Dave?” asked Lola, while the blog-meter ticked on with the rest of us wondering if we were going to learn something, anything today, with or without that being a rhetorical question?

“Gosh Lola. I never gnu how many people you actually were acquainted with, but it really didn’t matter what his name was, seeing as how Our Local Guide, said

“You mean that Penguin, don’t you?”

“You see how hard it is making a list like this one? Why, I’ll be working on answering, or not answering your questions for most of today, and perhaps even tomorrow, but that’s just the kind of guy that I am!”

“Anyway. The gist of the matter was, which box of Moose Flakes were the Write ones for you, but there was no doubt in the mind of Our Local Guide, as he pointed his fin-like appendage at

“Didn’t the two fellows, or somebody like them, say anything at this juncture?” interrupted Lola once again, prompting him to say

“Lola. If you really wanted to know if those two fellows, or somebody like them, had any comments at that moment, then I’d suggest you ask them, or of course ask somebody like them?”

Lola was about to reply to his reply, when he said “I now declare this blog to be history!”

-with her saying and rather sarcastically at that “Just over the 800-word mark like in the old days, eh?”

“Well, we could have gone on and on to the conclusion, but what with you asking pointed rhetorical questions most of the time, we kneaded to stop things before they got out of hand, didn’t we?”

-scribbling again on the paper saying “Yep. Just another one to answer, I guess?…..

-“or, not to answer?”…..

In the Darkly Depths of the Kenai Caverns

“Today, dear Travelers and Adventure seekers, we will be delving deep into the darkly depths of the Kenai Caverns, vaguely-known to the very residents of Kenai Proper, while in its sister city, Kenai the Sequel, the

“What is he saying today?” asked Dr Stone, as Dave, or somebody like him fiddled with the radio, while the New Marjory wondered if they actually could would or should be doing something today, or was that just a Penguin Pipe Dream on her part?

“Something about there being two Kenais, Kenai Proper and Kenai the Sequel!” said Dave, or somebody like him, while Dr Stone said

“I wonder which of the two we are existing in, or is that too deep of a question to start our day off with? What about you, the New Marjory, do you have an opinion about this, or

“Listen here. I was fully expecting that we wood be doing something today, we hadn’t done before, such as taking new patients into your practice, or boring the old ones just to see if they were listening to you?”

“Seems a bit on the ho-hum side” if you asked me, which you didn’t!” said Dave, or somebody like him. “Why should we do what everyone expects us to be doing, while we could be delving into the darkly depths of those hidden Kaverns, or am I just spelunking down the wrong Cavern here?”

“Why did you misspell Cavern with a “K” then unmisspell it with a C?” asked the New Marjory, while Dr Stone said “I say, young woman. You look vaguely familiar, as if we have delved into those darkly depths before? Weren’t you a patient of mine, trying to work through your Penguin Envy?”

“Our Local Guide has actually been down in those darkly depths by using his Kenai Boy’s Headlamp, a rope of undetermined origin, and the memory of his long-lost love, most likely having returned to that largish country to the East, with that not being Anchorage!”

“My Goodness, Dave, or somebody like him. Is Anchorage a Country, or have I misunderstood what the fellow was misunderstanding us about?”

Dave, or somebody like him replied “I was actually stuck on his line about what his Local Guide said about his long-lost love! Just think of it, someone who had disguised herself as one of us, while in reality, she was undisguising herself as someone else!”

“Tell you what, the New Marjory. Write this down, OK?” said Dr Stone, while Lola sighed a bit, then said “OK. What gibberish do we knead to remember tomorrow?”

“Write – Kenai Boy’s Headlamp! Just think about us being the first ones on our block to possess one of those puppies?” said Dr Stone, while the Podcast continued with,

“Now we will be hearing the actual sounds of our Local Guide, entering these fascinating depths, while waving away the bats in his belfry with his fin-like appendage!”

“Wait half a mo” said Lola, as she put her pen and paper down in order to turn up the Podcast just a notch, before adding “Penguins have fin-like appendages, don’t they?”

“Is that a rhetorical question, or can any of us present answer?” asked Dave, or somebody like him while Dr Stone said “I was just wondering if I had a twin brother in Kenai the Sequel? He might be able to tell me what happened when the 3-Moose Pileup occurred, if in fact he was present in Kenai the Sequel, when that event happened, or still was happening?”

“That is an interesting, though bit on the crazy-way of thinking, Dr Stone” said Dave or somebody like him, “but perhaps you should concentrate on what the New Marjory is talking about instead?”

-then whispering “Worst case of Penguin Envy that I’ve never seen” added Dave, or somebody like him, while Dr Stone said “Oh, it’s usually harmless in the mild form, but if it delves down into the darkly depths of a person’s psyche then…..My Goodness Gracious! I sound, as if I actually know what I’m talking about, don’t I?”

Lola replied, “Is that another rhetorical question, or can anyone answer it?”

“Just think of it Dear Travelers. While Our Local Guide is braving the darkly depths of the Kenai Caverns, Mr and Mrs Everyday Stone are just going about their business, doing what they normally, do, unless they are doing something else, while the rest of us are wondering when and if Our Local Guide will be able to use his fin-like appendages and find his way to the surface again?”

“Oh look! Our first caller today has braved the darkly depths and has decided to give us his, or her opinion on today’s podcast!”

“Listen you. There had better knot be someone, or something possessing fin-like appendages sitting in the seat next to you, or someone will be sleeping in the Penguin Cage tonight!”

“Well, some of us might take that as a veiled threat, while others wood just accuse our caller of suffering from Penguin Envy, which as you may or may not know, will be covered in a future podcast entitled, “The Better Penguins of our Nature!”

“I knew it” said Dave or somebody like him “It was Penguin Envy plain and simple” while Lola put down the receiver saying “I’ll be going home now, so I hope you and the Good Dr Stone will be able to deal with the darkly depths of this office, as I turn off the lights and close the door!”

-Silence, then a voice says “Sure wish I had one of those Kenai Boy’s Headlamps at this moment, don’t you Dave?”

-a second voice returned with “or Somebody like him? Is that who you were talking to?”

-Silence, then the voice says “It was, as long as it just was the two of us here in this darkly darkness…….

Entrenched in the Outwash Gravels of Kenai

“And who might I ask was sitting in the chair next to yours, the one with pillows around the edges to

“Pretty gutsy of you, my Sweet. Starting a new blog with “And” if I wasn’t an aficionado of the English Language like I was, I might object to something like that, but where were we going with that thought just before my interjection?”

“This chair, OK? Concentrate now, and tell me who was sitting right here!” said while pointing with the extended appendage of her right fin-like appendage, while her mate said

“funny isn’t it. Who and whom! Why some people might object to not knowing if the person in question was the one and not the other!”

“And you criticize me about beginning a sentence with “And”, while you don’t even capitalize your “funny”! she said with a well-placed Harrumph, but then out of the Alaskan Blue Skies, a knock came at the front door!

“Armand” said her better half. “Watt brings you to our little corner of Alaska today?”

“And he asks me, as if I knead to answer him?” said Armand in a subordinate clause kind of way, but then he noticed Lola saying “I say. Your hair says something to me, although I’m not certain what that is?”

Lola gave him one of her dirtiest looks, as he continued with “Mother told me about that “New Look”, and how it is all the rage of that largish country to the East, but you and your People know all about that, don’t you?”

Lola was about to comment on his comment, when Armand said “My word! What an interesting chair of the Padded Sort! Why, I wonder who wood have been sitting there, or should I have used Whom instead?”

“Aha” said Lola, directing the direction of the blog back to that very chair, including the side-padding, while saying “Who, or for matter, whom was sitting right here, in this Classic Chair, including the side-padding, while you – pointing to the man who wood, could and might have – were babbling on about your Local Guide and how he

“Was that the Podcast where the age-old story about Frank Lemming and his 7 Brothers and Sisters were told about?” asked Armand, as he sized himself up in a nearby mirror. “Attractive-looking chap, if you can get that kind of things these days!”

Lola tried not to sigh and forget about what others had already forgotten, when she said “No. Not Frank Lemming, but the story about the Local Boy and his penchant for frozen Mackerel!”

“Fish Tacos, my Sweet?” said our currently current Podcaster, as he looked dreamily about before saying “Perhaps we should buy some of those frozen Mackerels from the Frozen Mackerel Company of Kenai, Alaska?”

The New-Narrator Guy just mumbled, “He didn’t knead to say Alaska, did he?”

“I’ve heard tell” said Armand “that one such local boy was subject to an intense Brow-Beating, in or around that now infamous intersection in Downtown Kenai, close to where I just happened to be, while staying at the Kenai Well Moose Hotel, drinking at the local bar, when a tremendous crash was heard, and

“I say Lola. You never quite made it to that Well Moose Spa Resort, did you?”

“Whom were you drinking with at the bar, if I might be so bold in asking?” asked the fellow anyway, as the blog moved along the banks of the Kenai River, ever so gently to the sea, to the sea!

“Almost poetic, isn’t it?” asked Armand, while Lola said

“Look here, Boys. This chair, the one with the padded sides, has most likely had the privilege of someone, either a who, or a whom, who has been in my house and home, while I was away spending time entrenched in the out wash gravels of downtown Kenai, home of the 3-Moose Pileup! So I ask you again, who, or whom occupied this very chair?” and with that said, Lola slumped down on the sofa nearby, while her better half said

“oh, you mean that chair? Well, why didn’t you just ask me that question in the first place, waiting instead at this very spot in the blog, while the new day is dragging on, and I say Armand, did you actually hear when those 3-Moose, otherwise known as Mice, in the plural sense of things, crashed into one another, while I, still existing in my youthful thoughts, was occupying a nearby Caribou Cart, with my Penguin Compendium, while Lola was puttering around here at home, expecting me to show up with a new carton of Moose Milk!”

“I say” said Armand who was still lost in the reflection of his own reflection “anyone who has enough money to buy Moose Milk around the clock, wood require that their mate take a new job in Kenai, or Kenai, as the case might be, just to cover the cost of such a contrivance!”

“you see, Lola” said the man whose experiences with missing Moose Milk cartons was known from the little backwater known as Kenai, to the sprawling Metropolis also known as Kenai! “Now this blog has come full-circle, with just one or 10 unanswered questions! but don’t you worry, because they will make excellent blog-material, when I fire up the old Blog Machine, after you’ve gone to work and

“But it’s Saturday today, you Dolt” replied Lola, as she sat herself down in that a fore-mentioned Blog Chair then saying “Just imagine that I was the person in question, occupying this very chair, with padded-sides no less, with you speaking to me about, about….Well, come on and get this show on the road! We don’t have all day, do we?”

“My word, B.” said Armand as he giggled his way towards the front door. “I wonder how many times, Our Lola has demanded that very thing of her Mate, hmm? Then singing “Night and Day, you are the one!” Oh, how I love the way Ella Fitzgerald wails that tune, don’t you?….