“Today Dear Podcast Listeners, Out Local Guide will be podcasting live from the Town Hall Meating in Kenai Proper, locally known as Kenai Big!”
Lola was outside by the Caribou Cart, while her mate spun his web of deceet on the Podcast, wondering if her Battering Ram wood be able to withstand the force of that “Revenuer’s Edsel” if it still resided in her parking spot in Kenai Proper?
“‘Larence King will be presenting his findings on “The existence of the two Kenais” as well as “Whose Untied Moose Shoe Laces caused the trip up between the two hamlets!”
Lola had just reentered their hovel, having heard the last of his morning drivel, with her saying “Listen you. Why don’t you just leave the interpretation of what goes on down in “Kenai-Ville” to the experts, while your Local Guide hits on unsuspecting flightless birds with fin-like appendages?”
“Gosh Lola. You make it sound as if Our Local Guide is of the Penguin Persuasion, but that most likely is due to your Penguin Envy, or another flightless-bird affliction?”
“If he isn’t of the Penguin Persuasion” ranted Lola “as you put it, then why have you been keeping him a secret from your better half, instead of showing him to me, once and for all?”
“Well, he was here the other day, when you had your head involved with the Moose Shed outside, but once you went down into those inky depths, then no man, nor Local Guide, wood see the likes of you again, wood they?” asked the man, whose own experiences of diving down into the inky depths will be covered on another podcast, possessing a higher rating due to the sensitive nature of its, well, nature!
“I’m not certain, I like the way our New New Narrator Guy is depicting the sensitive, sensual nature of our relationship, but you probably have an explanation for that, don’t you?” ranted Lola, as the Town Hall Meating was to begin, somewhere far away in Kenai Proper!
“Ahem” said “lerance, that now familiar Revenuer, who had endeered himself to the locals, other than those who still suspected him of being a closet Canadian!”
“Ahem” he said again, then continued with “Today, I will be presenting my findings concerning the local notion of their being Two Kenai’s, witch as anyone wood know, is a misnomer of the third degree!”
“I’d have thought that someone naming their boy, ‘larence, was a misnomer of the first degree, woodn’t you Dr Stone?” asked Dave, or somebody like him, while Dr Stone said “Darned Shame, the New Ms Marjory hasn’t showed up yet. She wood put him in his place and then some, I’m sure!”
“Now then” continued ‘larence. “My Topographer, Mr I.C. Russell, has found that due to a slight rise in the lower sandstone formation in Kenai Proper, has givin some of the locals the idea, that there are in fact, 2 Kenai’s instead of accepting the fact, of this being no more than a geologic anomaly!”
A hand shot up from one of the locals who said “Listen here. If you were worth the paper, your misnomered name was printed on, then you’d see how that “bump” has caused my Misses to walk all funny-like, after she’d tripped on that “protrusion” while on her way from Little Kenai to Kenai Big! And that has caused problems in our personal and private relationship, like you woodn’t believe!”
“I say” said ‘larence, as he straightened himself up again, “My name has nothing to to with the local, misguided belief, that this “protrusion” as you call it, wood have interrupted your marital bliss, just because your “Misses” didn’t watch wear she was going!”
The local resident was about to reply to ‘larence’s reply, when the door burst open with someone yelling “I’ve got the tar a ‘boiling with a load of feathers having been donated by the Alaskan Chicken Poop Company of Kenai Little!”
“Did he really knead to say, Alaska, Dr Stone? asked Dave or somebody like him, while Dr Stone said “Remind me to remind the New Ms Marjory to order me a new shipment of Chicken Poop, won’t you? I hate to run out of one of life’s essential products!”
“Our Local Guide is now reporting how the chalk-boy is chalking a line between the two factions, while the Ladies Home Aux. of Kenai Big is doing a whopping business selling Moose Whisky and Penguin Puffers!”
“There is really no need for that, young man” said ‘larence, while the room was divided up into two entities, while the cheerleaders were expunged from their mini-busses into the melee that ensued!
“On a personal note. The Chalk Boy represents a bond between the two Kenai’s seeing as how his father had tripped on that protrusion between the to Kenai’s one dark and airy Alaskan night, causing his gal from Kenai Big to become with Child, or how else, wood anyone describe that kind of anomaly of the sexual kind anyway?”
Lola was screaming inside as she herd what her better half was mumbling about this time, but seeing as how she had just arrived at the site of the “Edsel Moving Ceremony” there were bigger Canadian Fish to fry, weren’t there?
Suddenly the Chalk Boy yelled out “Ma, Pa Come outside and see how someone in a Caribou Cart with a battering ram afixed on the front is about to push that Revenuer’s Car into the Sea!”
The Town Hall was emptied in a flash, as the Local Guide gave the woman in the Caribou Cart his special “wink” with her thinking, “Penguins don’t wink, do they?” asked Lola, while the population of the two Kenai’s yelled,
“Into the drink, you revenooer!” with Dr Stone commenting,
“I new the New Ms Marjory wood be giving us our Money’s worth!” with Dave or somebody like him saying
“I, but his final words were eclipsed by the gurgling and gushing sounds of ‘larence’s beloved Edsel, as it disappeared into the inky depths below…..
That is, somewhere below the two Kenai’s……
Lola's Travels in Alaska 