Once Upon a Time, When

Once upon a time, when things were different than today, a young maiden lived on the Plains of the Kenai, waiting with bated breath for the man of her dreams to pass by, sweeping her off her feet with nothing less than a whisper of the lovemaking to come, while thanking the gods above for this blessing that had no equal.

The young maiden, or Lola, as her magical animals knew her by, lived in a modest cottage along the Kenai River, which provided her with all the essentials to her simple, yet nourishing lifestyle. Fish abounded in the stream, but she only harvested them when she claimed to the outside world as being a pescetarian. Her magical animals, Lon, Lex and Louie thought that to be a strange, yet funny name for someone who by all rights and intentions, resembled a Vegan, but actually ate fish when she had the..

“Lola. Why is this blog beginning to resemble those suggestions that WordPress suggests in their Reader App? If I were a betting man, I’d say that Lon, Lex and Louie were most likely monkeys, but we know them to be giraffes, or weren’t they only that once before?”

Lola had heard strange voices in her head, but the three magical Giraffes only whispered to her, “This is your realm, Princess, and you are the one who decides! If one day you wish us to be Monkeys, then we will be monkeys! If on another day, you wish us to

“Well” she said rather impatiently. “When are you going to continue?”

Time flowed between them, deceiving her in such a way that made it impossible to know that at least 6 hours had gone by from that unfinished paragraph to the exciting conclusion, as yet unknown, but continuing below!

“Why we could be

“Oh Miss Lola” said Lon, as he licked the right toenail of his left paw, “how are we ever going to cross the magical bridge, not knowing the password left to you by your Canadian Uncle Monty Real, who

“Wait a minute you! Why would Lon lick the toenail of his left paw, when he is supposed to be a Giraffe? Giraffes don’t have paws, they have, well, I mean,”

Lola was at a for loss of words, but that didn’t stop Lex and Louie from galloping around in a circle, neighing and whinnying as if the whole of the US Army was after them! Louie said, “Why don’t we

“Stop right there, Mr Storyteller! Now, they have become horses in the lower 48, which is as Un-Alaska as you can get! I demand that you stop this sideline, and return to where this story of lust and desire in the afternoon was heading towards – moving the strap from her dress down a bit from her shoulder – but got lost in your Animal Cracker Soup along the way!”

The woodsman. A man of great strength and stamina, was out on the Plains of the Kenai, wielding his Ax through the Golden Fields of Alberta Wheat! He turned to her in Alaska, after having crossed the magical bridge, carefully guarded by the magical Giraffe with their terrifying toenailed paws! He knew he had to say the three magic words, that her father, the king of Soldotna had whispered to him, while hinting to him about taking his daughter, Please!

The first word that he uttered was, Homer, who was the man who made him the man he was today, but not the man who he would become tomorrow! The second word was Al, but he wasn’t sure if that was Al, or his older brother Aska, who said, I…

Lola, the forest maiden, sat on the sidelines of the story, filing her nails and considering a non-smoke, perhaps a Kilimanjaro, with one of the giraffes. Lon said “If you fly away with me on my magic carpet, we can make fabulous giraffe-love together!” Lola was not into Giraffe-Sex, but at this point in the blog, circumstance made her consider turning into a Giraffe herself, thus completing the circle of what Wild Animals do on the Plains of the Kenai!

The third magic word was…”Gosh Lola. If you are going away with Lon, Lex and Louie, who am I going to finish this magical story with, carrying away the Maiden Princess to her fabulous den of pain and pleasure?”

Lola just whispered in his ear, “The third word is 800 which if we are in any way lucky today, will seal the fate of this blog and set us free to be together forever!

Lon, Lex and Louie were still standing on the edge of the story, feeling rather cross about being cheated out of Giraffe-Sex on the Plains of the Kenai, when Lola said, “You have just 9-words to seduce me, before……

– “before this blog goes into overtime” finished B. as he swept her into his arms and carried her off to, to her den of pain and pleasure…..

Lon said, “I told you, we needed to petition a higher source, about extending the blog over the 800-word mark!”

Lex and Louie just whinnied and said, “Let’s meet over at the watering trough and discuss our options!”- so the three horses trundled off the paper into …….