The Main Reason for Being an Alaskan

Lola just looked at the title and sighed. She knew that sooner or later he would be telling her why he chose those words to define their lives at this point in time, but…..

“Lola!” he yelled from somewhere deep in the house. “Have you seen my binoculars, and Gigaphone, and my…”

“Don’t you mean Megaphone?” she yelled back, but he only replied, “That is old hat now, Mega and all! I’d feel better if we had a Teraphone, or…but it’s not certain that…..

voice disappearing into the depths of the belly of the beast, while Lola just stared into the mirror, while brushing her hair.

White Away” was what the shampoo promised, and that was what she wanted to remove from her life! All traces of Antarctica White, or Grey that had crept into her hair, without making its intentions clear to her before that happened!

Appearing behind her saying, “Wow Lola. What a lot of color in your hair! Why I can see….

“Save it for Sunday, and let me concentrate on re-reading this label before I do the deed!”

“Just think of it Lola” he said without registering what she just had said. “Soon will be that time of the year that is the Main Reason for Being an Alaskan!” looking up past the odd-200 words to the title, and-

“but do you really think that this “activity” is something that we need to “share” with each other?”

“Gosh Lola. Don’t you think that our relationship has progressed far enough for you to enjoy some of the things that I do? You know, together and all! Why if this works out like I think it will, then I can come to your Greenhouses and sing to the plants, just like you do!”

-and with that said, he began to hum “I’ve cried the Antarctic White out of my eyes” the current hit by Robert Penn Quinn! The song that was sweeping the charts with its bristly style and clean-swept lyrics!

“I don’t sing to my plants” she insisted with more than just a trace of contempt, “but I might just talk a few things over with myself, especially when blogs like this haven’t gotten to the point yet, leaving me and your 5 followers wondering if it ever will?”

“Well, when the Spring Breakup occurs on the Tanana River at Nenana, which by the way is devilishly close to Healy Alask….Ah, I think you might have heard of it before, or what?”

Placing bets on when the river was going to thaw, or listening to your better half humming songs that didn’t do anything in the world for her, made Lola want one of them to run away from home, leaving no forwarding address, or inclination of them ever coming back again!

“Uh Huh” replied Lola, but….

“Well, Wally is taking his Classic ’56 Chevy along to see if it will float on the Tanana River as good as what happened last year on the Anchor River at the New Sterling Highway, when his late Ford Escort did a double-flip before disappearing under the ice….

“Were all hands lost, or was anyone pulled ashore in time?” asked Lola who wished that someone, anyone who was reading this tale of woe, would side with her and take matters into their own hands, before the ice decided to crack!

“Gosh Lola. That was almost a Funny, you know?” said by the man whose own guess as to the winning time was still the best kept secret, this side of Mt Denali!

“We could beat the others to the punch, you know” said the man who might have been elected Mayor of Healy, if some unknown person hadn’t implied infidelity in his past, while he was working in the local Stereo Store, “-and camp out along the river, with our Giganoculars and Teraphones that would signal…now what was it, they would signal?”

“Aren’t we just getting off the subject at hand, just a Teense?” asked the woman, whose own collection of Stereo records was rumored to be the ice pick, that cracked the case wide-open on that Winter’s day in 19—–

“Now I know where I’ve seen those streaks in your hair before!” said the man next to her, while writing the date for the ice to break, on his official entry blank, while the words ticked away and anyone that has reached this far in reading this blog might just wonder when that darned ice was going to make them rich, thus saving them from reading words to this effect, that were better off-

Lola broke in saying, “It’s people like you that can’t keep their blog-house in order, causing the rest of us to get those darned streaks in our hair, instead of allowing us to remain forever young, and-“

and, continuing in the same spirit, with B. saying, “and just as talented to sing those immoral words “When I’d cried the Antarctic White out of my eyes, when the River gone and Broke, and my …..come on Lola. Let’s sing it together, just like the time when we made beautiful Stereo Sound together in Healy, Alask- Uh, uh, well you know what I mean don’t you?”

Lola thinking: And I might have been the wife of the Mayor of Healy, Alask-Uh,……Oh Boy, did she know that!…..

His losing ticket in last year’s Ice Classic

“Gosh Lola. I might have forgotten to fill in a few of the more important details on the ticket? Don’t-cha think?…..