The First Quarter Championships

Shaking her head, NO in Capital Letters, as I shuffled through my notes.

“Ahem”, I said into the microphone, trying to right a wrong, before it became a left! “Attention, a Faux Pas has been discovered in the Ice Rink tonight, so if you are French, waiting patiently for a response, or have a friend who might just admit to being a Canadian, on their off-days, then you could text them to see what I am talking about!”

No one seemed to be on the verge of rioting, so I calmly continued. “Tonight we are present in the Homer Ice Rink to celebrate the Quarter Championships of the Elephant Ice Skating Finals!” with someone poking me in the side, while I finished that embarrassing statement, with all that she could say being, “Not the Finals, you Boob! Tell them!” I indicated a reluctance to address the audience in that tone of voice, but acquiesced all the same. “Anyone who considers them self a boob after interpreting my last announcement, will” – more head-shaking, and threats of bodily harm coming from Ms Perfect to my left.

One spectator turned to his buddy saying, “It looks like an altercation in the Announcer’s Booth?” which drew their attention away from the opening sequence of the National Anthem, sung tonight by Ms Winter Alaska, Dusty of Termination Nation. The one said, “I’d like to dust off her skates, if you catch my drift of snow, with his friend saying,

-“but getting back to our play by play action of this year’s exciting event, “Have Elephant will …no, that’s not right either!”

“This evening is just filled with False Steps, isn’t it?”- waiting for acknowledgement of the audience, who were still wondering who among them were Canadians, or not?

“My belly button has been puckering and unpuckering in anticipation of this event, and I’m sure others with us tonight, will admit to that as well?”

“I say we overthrow the Announcer’s Booth and take what spoils are left in the wreckage”, said the one to the other, while the crowd around them were considering their options of rioting outright, or demanding to know if there were Canadian Troublemakers in their midst?

The audience seemed unconcerned with the efforts of the Elephant Skaters, with sounds of general discontent being heard, drowning out the announcements flying over their heads in rapid succession. “Now, I’m sure we can come to an agreement about our problems” the voice was heard to say, while sounds of the door behind him splintering and crashing, while—

The local police from substation 56 were being dispatched to quell the violent tendencies of the unruly crowd. The police fired gelatin-flavored bullets into the crowd, while the–

“Gosh Lola. What kind of muck are they showing tonight on TV, huh?”

Lola just threw a glance over to the Boob Tube, and wondered what ever happened to their love life? There was a time that he’d offer me his body and his mind, she thought to herself, and while he was lost in those thoughts, she took him for what he was worth!

“What are you thinking about Sweetkins?” said as he munched on cinnamon-flavored Moose Chips, scratching his back and wondering what the police were going to do with that Boob in the Announcer’s Booth?

“Gosh Lola. Just think about people like him, insulting the audience, plus giving them false information and not even being able to see the error of his ways!”

Lola just looked at him remembering when they actually had readers from Canada visit their site, but things changed when, when—

“Oh, by the way” she said while he was engrossed in the violence on the screen. “What was it that turned you against the Canadians, anyway?”

“Oh, it was just a girl I knew, once” he said, while he sucked on his Pixie Straw and—

“She went off the deep end one day, and I thought to myself, “Just like a Lemming” which was like….Oh My Goodness Lola. Look at what is happening now!”

Lola hoped the 800-word mark would save her from doing anything more in this blog, but she still had 100 or so words left until…

“There is a crowd at the entrance holding the Canadian Flag, yelling something in French that I amazingly cannot understand…”

-“and our reporter from TV-Home(r) has just made his way to the front of the crowd with this first-hand interview with the leader of this group!”

“and what caused her to go off the Deep End, anyway?” asked Lola, who was amazed at having come so far along the truth, while he was occupied with seeing—-

“Oh, you know, the usual thing. It might have been me denying her my body, or was it something I wrote, my memory fails me now..?.”

Lola seen squirming in her seat as the first Helicopter arrived on the scene, illuminating…

“But was this before we met, wasn’t it?, and why haven’t you said anything about her before now?”

“Gosh Lola. I don’t know. Really I don’t. Some women just misinterpret what I say, you know then all of a sudden….Wow! Look at that!”

He stood up spilling his Moose Chips while pointing at—-

“Oh”, said Lola. “Over the 800-word mark again, are we?”

“No. I swear I just saw that girl on TV, at the head of the crowd with the Canadian Flag!”

Lola began to say,”but You..”

“Oops, over 900-words this time Lola. What a wild ride, huh?…..”

 

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