At a Bar Somewhere in Our Homer

Lola wouldn’t say she was desperate, not yet anyway, but frustrated might be a better word. What was the real, actual, honest name of the man she shared her existence with? She took drastic measures and journeyed with him to Our Homer to get her answers.

“Lola. B. How lovely to see you tonight at the Bent Antler” said Armand, who stood there at the entrance to that well-known bar in Our Homer, cradling a glass of Chablis, and….

“Lola, Hon. Just make yourself comfortable while I say hello to the other fellows!” He walked over to a group of Homerites, who greeted him with their secret Penguin Hand Signals, calling him only “B” and…

“Lola. Sit down here next to me, and let’s get acquainted” said Armand, who never seemed to like her before, but he seemed to be on his best behavior tonight?

“Perhaps, you’d like something to drink?” he motioned the waiter over to their table saying, “Bent. You remember Our Lola, don’t you?”

Bent’s eyes grew larger than a Full Moon over Healy, that is Our Healy, then he said,”Really Miss Lola. It wasn’t only me who looked, when you fell down that time while ice-skating and ripped your pants! I really didn’t look, honest!”

Lola just looked at him as if….but she was here for answers, and not looking for trouble, not this time anyway, so she said,”No matter. I didn’t take any offense.” Bent just sighed in relief then whispered, “Thanks a lot Lola, even though I know you are lying”.

Armand said, “Bent. Some of your finest Chablis for the Lady of our best friend, B?” Bent shuffled out to the wine cellar, while Armand said, “And what brings you into Homer this fine evening, and might I add, without your favorite weapon of choice?”

Lola just looked at him as if to say something, but as her mouth opened, Bent came back to their table with a bottle of the good stuff.

Armand took out his monocle and read the label. “Bent, just where did this jewel come from?” showing great surprise and emptying his glass out into the nearby Potted Penguin Palm Tree. “Why from Healy Vineyards, of course! It was after B. recommended it and all” remarked Bent proudly as he poured a glass to each of them, then one to himself saying, “To our Good Friend, B. and his Lovely Lady!”

“Hear Hear!” said the others around the bar at the same time.

“Now then” said Armand again. What was your question about B?”

Lola tried to keep her cool, but it was getting harder to continue with the same type of interruptible style of her own mate, B and…

“When you first met” motioning towards her better half, “What did he say his name was?”

Armand squinted first, then downed his drink using the empty glass as a magnifying glass. “Why I remember that day, as if it were yesterday. He came into my Hardware Store in search of our monthly special, a Penguin Fence Hammer.” Well, we were all sold out of that popular item, but I said, “If you come over to the Bent Antler later on, we can discuss this over a fine glass of Chablis! He agreed, and I said..

“But didn’t you tell each other your names?” asked L. as she was once known at the Bumbling Brother’s Rodeo and…

“Well, I introduced myself as Armand, and you know what?” waiting until Lola shook her head, as if she really cared. “He said, What a fabulous name that is! I’ve never met anyone with a name like that before! He really has a delicious way of speaking, don’t you agree Bent?”

Bent came over to their table again saying, “Well, I don’t know if I’d call it delicious, but it can be tasty from time to time, almost like my famous “Penguin Puffers” which we are running a special on this month, you know? One Plate of Penguin Puffers for the measly sum of…

“but”, began Lola again, though she knew it was a lost cause no matter what. “But what did he say his name was?”

“Oh” said Armand with a big smile on his face, while he poured a new glass of the Good Stuff from Healy Vineyards, that is from Our Healy in Alaska, you know?

“He said, Howdy Boys, you can just call me B., just like my Lady, Lola does! And from that time on, we……Why Lola. Where are you going?”

Armand just shook his head, while he toasted B. and Lola as they abruptly left the Bar for points unknown. He just leaned back in his chair and remarked to himself, “Yes. What a Delicious Man that B. really is……