Weed-Free Ice Cabbages

Lola stirred restlessly in her sleep. There was something troubling her, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it?

She got up and went into the kitchen where her better half was thumbing through seed catalogs.

“Look here Lola. Weed-Free Ice Cabbages! Just think how much time that will save me from my usual chores with those babies! Why, we should be able to spend a whole lot of quality time together, what say you to that?”

Lola remained silent. How was it when/if they were together around-the-clock? Would she end up like him in the end?

“Well, it’s time to go outside and check on those Ice-Cabbages! Old habits sure die hard, don’t they?”

Lola just looked at him and said, “Uh. It’s 20 below zero outside right now, so I wouldn’t worry about your cabbages just yet!”

He just looked at her and laughed. “You just wake up a bit more, and let me…” pulling on the front door, that wouldn’t budge. “Hmm” he said. “Frozen shut again! Well, I’ll just fetch Howie to help me and….” disappearing into the back room while Lola thought

“How in the heck can Howie help him?”

“Oh hi Mom, how’s tricks” said Howie as he trudged into the kitchen lugging the tool chest while his father brought in the Blow-Torch and gas tank.

“Howie” he said at once. “Hand me that Blow-Torch, won’t you?” Howie reached into the tool chest and got a wrench and started tightening the gas tank to the

“Howie” said Lola at once, “How could you….?”

“Women, huh Howie?” said his father as they prepared to light the torch. “They are always worrying about things aren’t they?”

Howie just nodded his head, then said, “Gosh Dad. Do you think it’ll take long? My friends and I are going to meet and hang out at the Mall in Our Homer today!” Lola just looked at Howie at the mention of “Our Homer” but figured that….

“Turn on the gas Howie, while I find the lighter.”

Howie did as he was told, but the lighter was not to be found.

“Uh Dear” said Lola, trying not to sound concerned. “Are you sure things are safe enough with….

“Lola, My love. Armand said that 9 out of 10 people survived a Blow-Torch Explosion in their own home! We’d have to be pretty unlucky to be that 1 that didn’t, don’tcha think?”

The room continued to fill up with gas as Howie remarked, “Gosh Dad. Is that the gas, I smell, or did you eat too many beans at Taco Night yesterday?” said causing them both to break out in laughter until the tears ran down their-

“Shut off that gas until you find the lighter, won’t you please?” pleaded Lola, who was worried that….

“Here it is. The lighter! Now if I only could….

The flash and explosion threw Lola across the room, with her landing in her bed once again. It was quiet outside in the kitchen. Deathly quiet. Lola gathered her robe about her and ventured out into the kitchen, where Bunky sat and looked at seed catalogs.

“Oh Good Morning Sleepy-Head. Rise and shine as they say in Our Alaska, you know?”

Lola just rubbed her eyes and looked around the room, not noticing anything being amiss, blown-up, or otherwise out of place.

“Have you seen Howie yet today?” she asked, but expected him to come running into the kitchen, a cellphone in his hands, chatting to Mooselina about, about

“Oh he’s probably out tossing about the old Nerf Football, or something like that. Everything all right, Dear?”

He just kept thumbing through the seed catalogs at hand, while Lola just sat there, collecting her wits and sighing a sigh of relief.

“Oh by the way” he said, without looking up. “There is a new strain of Cabbage Seed, that doesn’t require weeding! Just think of that. Then I wouldn’t have anything else to do than be with you 24/7! What do you think about that, huh?”

“Actually” said Lola slowly. “I think you should keep that activity. You do need your exercise and fresh air, don’t you?” said with pleading eyes and the hope that, that….

“All right by me” he said as he pulled something out of the bag next to him and…

“Look at this nifty thing, I found at Armand’s TrueWalue Hardware Store the other day, A Blow-Torch! Just think, if something gets frozen, and…

“You wouldn’t use it in the house, would you?” asked Lola as she…

“Lola my dear. Do you really think, I would do something dangerous like that?”

At that instant, an explosion of sorts occurred, sending Lola under the kitchen table with her hands over her ears!

“Oh Wow Howie, what a Bummer!” said as they both looked at Lola and Howie’s Nerf Football lying next to her having just exploded and such. “Now we’ll have to buy you a new one!”

They let Lola come again to her senses as they went to the front door.

“Oh My”he said at once. “Frozen Shut! Lucky for us we have a Blow-Torch and all! Come on Howie, let’s look for the tool chest and…..

Lola just lie there, pinching herself wondering what was real, and what was really real?

“Howie. Wait a minute. We should help your Mom back into bed before we start fixing things. Then we can look for the gas tank and lighter. Now where did I put that darn lighter, the last time?…..”

Howie just blinked and said, “Wasn’t it right next to the Cellphone? Hey Dad, by the way. Later on today my friends and I are going to………..