Minus 19 and Counting

“Sometimes” said the woman sitting next to me “Sometimes, the strength of your thoughts amazes and astounds me more than I can say!!!”

“Have we entered the fantasy land called “Lolaville” or, were you actually referring to me, myself and eye?” asked Lola number two, or one of her sisters!

“All I said” said the man next to me, or one of my sisters “Was that we should take a Frolic in Fairbanks, or perhaps a stroll down the main street in Healy, that is in Healy Alaska, and show the rest of the world how we are indifferent to the blazing temperatures of this winter, and those other winters, or winter has-beens, who had come before and afterwards” said as he leaned back in the sled, and smoked a number of the good stuff from Southern Alaska….

Lola worried that his apparent lack of blogging in the month of December had affected his mind, leaving it more or less intact than what it started out to be, been or had been?

“Now see here my dear”, he said as he pointed to the thermometer. “Today is minus 19, that’s almost like saying that we need to increase the temperature to reach a lower number, which might be called zero to some people living outside of Alaska. That is Alaska in the US of A, if you didn’t kn-“

“Look you! I know where we live and how cold it is/can be/has been and whatever else you want to know about living in this icebox of a place, but where are we going, other than in Alaska, with this temperature tirade!”

“Out of the window on the left side of the bus” intoned the Tour Guide, “you can see……” as we sat on our seats, the windows rolled down in order to give the full effect of the Alaskan Winter, while a herd of Penguins ice-skated by on their way to-

“Penguins are not found in herds” said the woman next to me, dressed in a lovely ensemble of Cannabis-woven knickers, imitation Grizzly Bear ear-muffs, and showing just a teense of her “Caribou Crossings” Tattoo, which according to the Tour Guide at the front of the bus, would give us good luck, or the chance to get thrown out of the classier drinking establishments in downtown Soldotna if used with impunity!”

“December 2018 was really hard on you, wasn’t it?” asked the woman sitting next to me, while the bus turned the corner heading for the local watering hole for our complimentary drink and a chance to soak up some local color, before the bus returned to where we had started, somewhere this side of Montreal Canada, where any self-respecting office clerk would be-

“All right” said Lola, nodding her head in acknowledgement at the mention of that time-honored topic, Canada, that is Canada Canada, if you didn’t know that by now?”

“And serving your complimentary drinks today, is our one and only waitress, Homerette, with her French-sounding accent, where she learned to speak from her mother’s kneecap!”

“What do you mean, Homerette?” asked Lola suspiciously, as if a poor working girl from the far East of Alaska, and that was still Alaska in the US of- “Yes, yes we know that! We are all Americans, aren’t we?” said Lola as she looked around the room expecting someone, or everyone to stand up and salute the flag on her belt-buckle, or fall into a hearty rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, which made most of the crowd uneasy, not being able to remember all of the words to that catchy tune, but chose instead to hum along with the rest of the crowd.

Homerette served the drinks as quickly as possible, while I perused the many and varied photos on the wall. “Look Lola. There is a picture of the Governor and some bloke with the American Flag on his jacket!”

Lola looked closely at the photo saying “Isn’t that the President of the US of A, next to him?” The other passengers from the bus bellied up to the wall and began to discuss just who was in that photo and why?

The front door banged open, allowing a herd of Penguins to waddle in, quacking and mooning the other guests with their devil-may-care attitude and…..

“Lo-La” said a voice somewhere in the cosmic ether, while the Penguins started to trash the place, pitting the belt-buckled woman next to me to say,

“Lo-la” said the voice again, with a blast of freezing air to follow!

“Lo-la. Wake up. Oversleeping won’t make your dreams come true, you know?” said by that known Penguin Herder, from a small fishing village on the northern shores of the Kenai Peninsula. His was a proud folk, whose only pride and joy was to herd the local Penguin Population into-

“Lola! I’m afraid I can’t make the house any colder, unless I open all the doors and windows at the same time! Come on Lola, you can’t just sleep the winter away just because the thermometer only reads minus 19!”

Lola’s eyes fluttered a bit then opened with her saying “Be a dear, won’t you and check on the Penguin Fences for me?”

He went outside and, and

Coming inside again he said,”But we don’t have any Penguin fences?”

Lola just rolled over again and headed back into dream land. “Well, wake me up when we do, and not before the temperature reaches the right side of zero, won’t you?”

He just sat back down and sucked on a frozen Elephant toothpick. “and I still don’t understand why some Alaskans like it so cold?” he said to himself, as he leaned back and pulled out his new copy of Penguin Monthly, “Penguin Fences Made Easy…….”

-and began to read…..



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