Treating Me Like I Was the Foreigner

And then he said, “Well, if the foreign shoe fits, then wear it!, but I protested, but he was better at arguing his case, and just up and threw me out of the window. Well, Bent, the owner of the Bent Antler called the Homer Police, seeing as how we were in Homer and all, and that’s how I ended up in the Hoosegow. The Pokey, you know with its questionable color schemes and colorful inhabitants. The officer in charge, who by the way was related to Wally of Wally’s Gun Emporium and Sushi Bar recognized me and asked if I was still seeing that crazy, Wacked-out Babe, who held the entire Police Force at Bay way back when at that bar, you know where we first me, and I could only say, “Uh huh”, because I wasn’t sure if at that moment in time was a good thing or a bad one?”

Lola just looked out of the window, and wondered if Mt Redoubt Stratovolcano needed a new roommate, because she might be in the market for a change of scenery, what with the trouble living next to, or actually nowhere close to the town of Homer….Alaska, depending on how and why anyone calculated distance on that small patch of earth called the Kenai Peninsula?

“I know, even before I ask you this next question, I’ll be regretting ever having asked it, but why did this fellow call you a foreigner?” asked by the woman, whose name stirred fear in most of the people, I knew, but got me out of a life in prison, the hoosegow, the just the mention of her name!

“Well, I just was having an Organic Cannabis Beer from the Wacked-Out Brewery of Soldotna…Alaska, when I showed the fellows this piece of paper.”

Anchorage Daily News

-with Armand saying, “I never knew you to be a foreigner before now!” and he just gave me an extra big hug, and offered to buy me a glass of Foreign Chablis!

I just shook my head, and said, “But I am an Alaskan, who lives in Alaska, and is in a relationship with an Alaskan!”, but Wally just said, “Who is she, and when do we get to meet her?” with the others just hitting each other over the heads with their authentic, American-Made Antlers from the Soldotna Antler Company, est. 1956.”

Armand said, “Maybe it was your Lola, who was the foreigner? Didn’t you say that she was kidnapped by Canadian Gypsies and….

“Did you tell your buddies that yarn about those Canadian Gypsies?”asked Lola incredulously, but not really surprised at all. Her indignation was an orchestrated attempt to show her disgust, but only showed her to react like other women that…

-Hey! Wait a minute. You with the keyboard! How do you get off by generalizing about women?-

….I, you, well, I tried to retract my last statement, but figuring that the damage was already done, I might as well whistle a little tune, and continue on about my business…..

“But you see Lola. I couldn’t even get into the Anchorage Daily News, because it accused me of being a foreigner! I never stepped on anyone’s GDPR’s Toes before, but suddenly there I was, being a foreign as those Canadian Friends, you seem to have, but not as foreign as it would make me lucky with women of that ilk, if that was important for me, which it is not!”

Lola just looked at him, dressed in his Prison Duds, waving his arms about, as if he had just flown the coop and was on the Lam from the Local Fuzz!

“Gosh Lola. Do you have anymore antiquated terms for describing my turmoil, or is it just “Mr Keyboard’s” way of changing the subject?”

Lola was silent, as she wondered where this blog began, what the original intent was behind it, and how in the world were they going to end it, without losing more credibility than they had in the course of the 670 odd words?

“Uh Lola. What about if we just say that this blog is over and done with and christen it with a bottle of champagne, not anything special, perhaps one of those cheaper types form Canada, or something then we can just go about our business, as if it never happened at all?”

“You know what?” said Lola as she watched me as I typed out the last words. “That is the best idea, you’ve had in a long time…

With her closing the curtain between me and them, but hesitating just a few seconds to give me her dirtiest and nastiest look, then sticking out her tongue…..then closing the curtain!!!

End of blog